4

[TranquilaManana]

ive got badness bubbling away in here.
dark clouds rumbling in. again.
am close to curling up in incommunicative ball stage. again.
dont want to go there.
am so accomplished at 'pretending to be spiffing thanks' that i actually cant help myself. so the docs wont take me seriously. gps, that is. HATE the hv, so dont even say it. how do i get them to listen?

and also... i am at least 2 people. one is laid back and chilled and phlosophical and loving and patient and vaguely intelligent...

the other(s) are, um, not.

and i switch. fast. i cry out for help one minute and then am perfectly smeggin alright thanks and dont know what youre on about.

i think i need help.
but i think im fine.
im miserable and unsaveable and selfcentred and awful.
and im fine and generous and lovely and not that bad.

what am i? i dont rightly know who i am.

print this off and show it to your GP?

good point.
thanks.

I could have written the same post TM. I've been there too.
You are denying the part of you that needs help because you don't want to admit to the weakness, or trouble anyone with the vulnerable side of you.
Been there with the GP too. Looked at me and said... but you seem fine... then I cried all the way home...
I agree with TC... print the email and take it along.

Ditto what TC says.

Depression sucks. It moves in mysterious ways too.

I always lifted when DP was around, hence he had NO clue that there was a problem.

um
was feeling utterly horrific about having started this thread last night/this morning. felt horribly exposed and ashamed etc.

thank you suis and vvv. your words made me cry. with relief to be heard. to be understood. to be sympathised with.
i really needed that.
so thanks.

OH dont feel bad. That's the whole thing with this depression lark. It has you up and down like a whore's drawers.

I can sympathise with this too...hope you get some support, I find exercise helps although it's the last thing you want ...think of walking as medication ie something you must do

lol VVV. well, quite.

and you are right zippi... but i reeeeeeaaaaallly cant seem to make myself do it. is one of my big 'things' atm tbh.
is a good idea to think of it as medicine... hadnt thought of that.