Is this depression?

[sugarplumfairy28]

There is a lot going on in my life right now, my DH has Bipolar Disorder and ADHD, our daughter is undergoing diagnostics for a neurological disorder, she has already been diagnosed with SPD and results from her intelligence tests put her as gifted. We also have a son who for lack of another word gets 'neglected', we don't get to spend a lot of time with just him, he is starting senior school but clinic appointments and psychiatrist appointments for our daughter end up becoming the priority. On his first day at school parents are asked to stay (its only a couple of hours) but I have to be on stand by to cut and run is DD is having issues at her school - so I feel so guilty for letting DS down.

I do not have a social life, DH clashes with DD when she is having an episode and they end up in a vicious circle. I had to give up work because DD is so full on, she rarely does a full week of school and after school clubs are out. There is literally no-one who can look after DD unless she is behaving like a 'normal' child which just doesn't happen.

Nothing gives me motivation any more, I can't go out and have a hobby, I have no friends, DD will often not go to bed until I do so I have virtually no time away from her, if she is at school all I want to do is crawl back in to bed, shut the curtains and ignore the world, I just don't want to interact with life.

Is this depression? I am terrified of Doctors and I think the way I feel is actually normal considering the situation. Is there a way to shake this off? Or am I kidding myself?

green I would jump at the chance of home schooling her and taking her out of this stupid system where she has to be the same copy of every other kid, but here home schooling is not legal, so I can't. She doesn't need this method of repetition, they get a 'subject' on Monday and spend the whole week repeating it, by the end of Monday she's done the work, learned the skill and needs to move on, its so ridiculous. I will watch the video.

The loft is kind of me thing lol, it is a double height, big enough for 4 bedrooms and bathroom (part of the plan for this house is to finish off converting it) and over the last 18 months I have filled it with crap, it really really bugs me, I want to be able to use the space for my woodwork stuff and storing my string art but right now I can't, I can't even go up without DD following and having meltdowns because X old broken in pieces toy is up there, so despite it being a chore it is something I want to do.

Its actually really not like me to sit around and do nothing, and I just end up over thinking things, if I can do something hands on I end feeling a lot clearer in my head, just need to get myself together to actually do hands on things.

Hi all,
I'm a 20 year old mum I have a daughter who's 11 months old.
For ages now I've had a problem with self harm started when I was abducted and raped almost killed when I was 14. I no longer self harm and haven't done for almost 2 years! I thought it was all good I haven't done it in a while and I have my amazing daughter and partner what could be wrong.
So in stead of self harming by cutting I've been literally ripping my hair out it's now falling out in chunks when I brush it, I'm shouting at myself my poor partner thinks I'm having ago at him but then we talk and I will shout at myself for anything really the simplest things like forgetting something or loosing track of time for little ones meal times, I'm just really struggling and have been for years! I've been dealing with it on my own but it's getting too much I have to admit I have a problem which I've done today, my partner suggested something like this. I'm not sleeping and I'm fighting with myself daily to not hurt myself constantly I just really don't know how to cope! The doctors have a 6 week waiting list for appointments and I'm so scared social will take my daughter away from me- I would never do any of this in front of her or ever hurt her she is my absolute world I adore her soo much she saved me in ways I will never be able to explain but she is the reason I am here!! I don't want her growing up around this it's not what I want for her so I really need help but im so scared and don't know what to do.
Thank you for any replies x

anonnymous my best friend (who is in the UK) has a sister who has a whole list of mental illnesses, and it has gotten to a whole new realm of frightening. She has had episodes which have made the local news, been sectioned several times this year alone. The family have basically had to come to terms with the fact that one day she will succeed in committing suicide because there is nothing more professionals can do. I say this because you are at a stage where you can get better!! All is not lost, and there is a way out.

One thing I have seen, that some self-harmers have said helps, is drawing on yourself, my friend has suggested it to her sister as her sister has self harmed so much she can no longer be stitched up any more, there is simply too much scar tissue. Picture attached.

Sugarplumfairy

Thank you I will give this a try I hope all is going to be okay with your friends sister

Hi sugarplum. How has your daughter got on at the hospital this week? I hope it's gone well for you and you have managed to enjoy a little piece and quiet in your house.

Yellow its all gone wrong! She was mixed going in, which was actually better than expected, but then it all went down hill. Went to see her Tuesday, and it took a team of therapists and her psychiatrist to get her to let me out the room. The unit is more geared for children with milder disorders and are a lot more independent then she is, but it boiled down to a food problem.

Her psychiatrist gave specific instructions about food, and to feed her off the tiny list of things she eats because there was no active feeding therapy going on. The unit has a blanket rule of everyone eats the same. So our daughter did not eat, she was scraping by on a bread roll. Despite emergency visits from the psychiatrist, and talking to the team every day about food, nothing changed. The thing is, she will only let her guard down when there is someone she trusts there, and the unit didn't understand that her psychiatrist told them but it seemed to go over their heads. There were other things that weren't right either, she had trouble knowing when she was allowed access to some of her belongings, who to talk to, where to get her clean washing, she also has issues around showering, she is used to a bath and it was only June when she would actually shower, but they insisted on a shower every day which was too much for her to handle.

Its been absolute hell, we either went to visit and she wouldn't let me leave, the people in the unit were very hands off and honestly had no interest in helping to contain the situation, or I would phone her and she would be in floods of tears down the phone. Been worrying all day and panicking how she will be when I get there, not been able to sleep knowing she was crying at bed time. Friday her psychiatrist agreed it was best to bring her home and cut it short.

Sugurplum. Where do you go from here then as it sounds like you have actually gone backwards?
I got nothing else to add to my story at the moment other than my daughter now basically can't be bothered to spend time with me as she prefers the luxury of home. I've basically spent the day sleeping and I just feel like giving up

Yellow I know its hard but try not to take it personally, it is normal for teenagers to behave like this. Is she on whatsapp? Facebook? Can you try and just share in her interests? Share videos with her etc. I know its not the same but with our DS I feel like I'm losing him, and have forced myself to play Minecraft, I really have no interest in it at all, but he likes telling me how to build things, and how to do things.

It does feel like going backwards, but we are now waiting on a place at a day clinic, she'll go to school there, not sure what else they do, but she will come home every day. Desperately trying to look at this as just ruling out an option, but totally not up for the fight in sending her back to her normal school in the meantime. Among other things they went back August 28th so she's going to be 2 weeks behind which they will use as an excuse to pile on the pressure.

First day back at school has made me so angry! DD is really hard to motivate even on a good morning, it is just so draining, having to be up beat and positive, trying so hard not to lose my cool because I know it will result in her shutting down and not going.

Because today is different, everyone else has already gone back and she's going to be noticed (she hates being the centre of attention) I posted on a FB cat page I am a member of, and thought if maybe a couple of people would send her good luck messages from their cats she would be in a good mood from the get go. She has been sent over 200 messages wishing her luck and saying some lovely things, and it worked! I got her to school in a decent mood. Got to the playground and got doorstepped by her new Maths teacher (His not new to me at all, but he has never taught DD Maths.) He is quite imposing from a child's point of view, over 6ft and looks quite striking in his 60s, he put his arm out across her chest to block her, and told her in an incredibly stern voice he will be doing her Maths lessons, and then in English (he has been asked not to do this, as it makes her very uncomfortable) said "and you WILL do as I want". Literally all my hard work went out the window right there and then.

No, new year, new teacher, new start, very clearly I have been told you are 'naughty' and I am going to be very aggressive towards you. Somehow she stayed in school all day, and I am incredibly suspicious as to how. I picked her up and she was SO angry, crying and really really distressed. She ran off and hid in the bushes, while I got the same old shit from her normal teacher demanding answers, and how do we get her to do what we want (not how do we support her). It took me 20 minutes to get her out the bushes, and she tells me that this man ended up shouting at her in class because she didn't understand the work, so couldn't work and she wouldn't give him her planner to write 'horrible things' about her.

Day bloody 1!! I have no idea how on earth to get her to school tomorrow, I feel so defeated, but no chance to breath because now its homework, and the 3-4 hour battle to get it done IF she is open to the idea of doing it, if not its 6-7 hours of screaming, smashing my house and attacking me. I just want to give up.

I feel like giving up at the moment to sugurplum if I'm being honest but bloody hell your situation at the moment sounds so so hard.

Well we are now officially waiting for a place at the day clinic. We've had to change tactics because DD had huge issues going back to the hospital, she lashed out at both DH and I just going in to the different building, and she even attacked her psychiatrist. The first idea was that DD would go to the day clinic alone (but coming home every day) but her reaction was so severe, we are now waiting for a parent and child place, where I will go with her. The day clinic looks lovely, doesn't look like a school or hospital, has lots of fun therapy rooms, from woodwork, to a bubble room, they have a resident puppy, a home zone with quiet individual living rooms, they have art therapy and equine therapy, school is in groups of 3-5 students.

She hasn't been back to school since day 1 and is flat out refusing to go. By that I mean depending on at what stage of getting ready, she holds on to her bed frame so I can't physically get her out of bed, she will kick, punch, scratch or bite if I try and help her get dressed, she won't brush her hair or teeth, go to the toilet or eat, or let me help, she will hold on to doors trying to get out the house, or refuse a seat belt in the car and sit in the foot well. Currently I am utterly stuck at zero station and can't even get her out of bed. She has been signed off until at least the end of next week. I have been napping through the day and feel utterly terrible about it, my bedroom is opposite the living room and I go lay down while the kids have TV time, I leave the door open but I feel so much like I'm failing. I've done the kids dinner most nights but been waiting for DH to get home for pretty much everything else.