Worried about wife

[bigtony]

Hi everyone,

My wife and me have a 2 week old little boy. Im worried about my wife though. She says she feels sad all the time, misses her old life, regrets having our child, says our child irritates her and that if she could take a pill and die she would.

She denies any active thoughts or plans to harm herself. She is sleep deprived and has limited emotional support external to me as her mum passed away a few weeks before the birth.

She has no warmth towards to me, i feel like i am losing her and im scared.

I dont feel she is at any immediate risk, but what do i do? Get gp or midwife involved against her will, or hope that this will pass?

Defo get professional help the midwife should be able to refer to the perinatal team for specialist support 👍

Definitely don’t just sit and wait. She’s really lucky to have an understanding partner.
Your poor wife has an awful lot to deal with. Grief, new baby and raging hormones.
It’s really tough physically, emotionally and mentally being a mum for the first time. It doesn’t matter how ‘tough’ we feel we are, it’s still has a massive impact.
I’d definitely call the HV as soon as you can. Your wife doesn’t need to know you’ve called them. They will make an excuse for a visit and are trained to ask gentle, subtle questions to your wife to determine what support she needs.
This really won’t last forever. So many mums struggle just like your wife, and we all think sometimes ‘what if’.
It’s great that your wife is confiding in you. I know she may seem cold towards you but she’s probably exhausted and very emotional. She’ll be feeling pressure to be the perfect mum and the perfect wife but at the the same time literally has no energy to give any more (Hence the resentment). Your hv will support your wife and set the ball rolling.
It will get easier.
Could you arrange it so she can have a good stint of sleep regularly?

Everything the others have said, remind your wife that losing her Mum is a huge deal and the grief is massive without giving birth and having a newborn to look after.

She needs professional help, even if she can't see it herself at the moment. She must be grieving so much having just lost her mum - are the midwives and/or HVs not already aware of her loss? They should be all over her like a rash looking for PND. Speak up on her behalf. When is the HV next coming? Can you have a quiet word when they arrive or call in advance?

Has she talked to the HV about how she’s feeling? Is she being open about it or trying to downplay it?

Get her help. I felt the same after the birth of my first child, 40 years ago and received no help at all.
My GP gave me a lecture on how women in some countries give birth and go back working the fields the same day!
I slowly improved but a few years later had a complete breakdown needing a stay in a hospital for a few weeks.
Please speak to your doctor or health visitor.