I'm not sure this is the right place to post this, but I'm lost. If you can think of a better or more appropriate place please do let me know.
I am wondering if any other Mums or Mums to be can offer any advice. I am struggling with the idea of getting through pregnancy examinations and then birth, because I have a history of serious sexual assault and it has left me traumatised. Whenever I have to be examined I tense up and freak out, intimate exams have been practically impossible for me since.
I have already disclosed my history to my midwife - she seems very understanding- but I am still worried that I just won't be able to submit to the exams that I know I should have. It's a kind of PTSD and I have flashbacks and lash-out when in those situations.
I really don't want to allow the inhuman skidmark that did this to me to ruin the experience of becoming a mother for me, and I don't want to endanger my unborn child by not having the exams I need, but how do you cope? I know I can have all feamle staff and my husband can stay with me, but these things just don't help.
I'm so scared.