How to live with depression

[Youresocool87]

Is it possible? I’m literally sat here in tears because I’m so scared of what it’s going to do to my life.

I had never really had any anxiety or depression until my son was born two years ago. PND hit me hard and I was referred for CBT when he was a few months old. It absolutely did wonders and helped me get on the right tracks to feeling more like myself again. I naively believed that once it passed I’d be fine in the future. How wrong I was. Last year was pretty positive, I think there were maybe two occasions where I felt low for a week or two. Then we made the decision to move in with my MIL whilst we save for a deposit for our first home. This hit me like a tonne of bricks and I’m starting to believe has contributed to how I’m feeling now. Don’t get me wrong I am extremely grateful to her for putting us up, it’s not easy what with our son running around up early etc. But she is so difficult to live with. There are constantly passing comments about what he eats, having a dummy etc. She is always at home so I’m getting no personal space (I know I sound bad but I’m just being honest) and she isn’t very nice to my husband. Throw into that me setting up and starting up a kids wear business three months ago that I fear is going to fail and there you have it. Oh and I’ve had the entire summer holidays off as my job is at a school so have been alone with my son or myself the duration which I struggle with. Bad eating habits have returned and I don’t exercise. I tell my husband and mum pretty much everything and they mostly tell me that it will pass.

My relationship with my son is amazing and I’m a confident mother, but the depression and anxiety comes back in awful waves. So bad that I feel like I’m not going to come out of this alive. It’s like I fear the next bout of it if that makes sense? It probably doesn’t help that I’ll read or hear of horror stories of people that have committed suicide and then start to think ‘that’ll be me’ or I won’t live until I’m that old etc etc. I’m also experiencing horrendous intrusive thoughts which I suffered with when my son was a baby. Sorry for the rambling, I just wish someone could give me the magic answer. How do I live with this? I spotted this one coming last week and I wish I knew what steps to take to make it all easier.

@youresocool87 how are you today?
@growlingbear your post was very inspiring. Thank you so much. I am trying to emulate what you do. I have always been sceptical of CBT but now trying to do the exercises from my CBT book regularly. Trying to appreciate the little things. I can't let depression win.

Hi @ValancyRedfern - I’m on day four of the sertraline and feeling awful tbh. Was meant to be meeting friends for lunch but had to cancel. It’s not really any particular side effects I just feel so on edge and low again. Am so so fed up of it all. I just feel like this is my life now...

On the up side my referral for more therapy has been v speedy, have telephone assessment Wednesday morning. You’re right about @growlingbear ‘s post - will try to follow this too once I feel a bit better (if ever)

Keep going on the sertraline. You should start to feel the benefit soon. I'm so sorry you missed out on seeing your friends. Did you feel able to tell them why? Could they maybe come to you next time if you feel you can't make it out? Friends are a real tonic for me. Sometimes dragging myself out of the house can take hours and be horrific but once I'm out I do feel better for it.
I hope you manage to have a restful evening and look after yourself by doing whatever feels comforting. Maybe phone one of the friends for a chat?

Thank you so much @ValancyRedfern - I actually decided to still meet them, but they came to me and we sat in the park. I told them both everything, they were so supportive and understand why I’m doing this. I’m really glad I still met them because otherwise I’d have just sat indoors feeling low. Hope you had a nice day? Fingers crossed for a restful nights sleep!

@ValancyRedfern hey chick - just been reading this thread again this morning and wanted to say hello. I'm a fellow sufferer of recurring depression and also have anxiety too (gets very bad at times) currently I have both back in a big way. I too find that seeing friends gives me a real boost. As does exercise - running in the gym especially. Although sadly I don't get much time to do this now which is a pity. I found yoga really helped too. Have you tried that ? Not that I have time for that either now I'm back at work full time ! Depression is just awful isn't it xx

@Youresocool87 so glad that you managed to meet your friends yesterday and have a chat. Good on you ! I promise it will pass all of this. Trying to remind myself of the same whilst saying that but yes, it does pass xx

You have a lot to deal with OP.
I found that anxiety and depression would go and the return.
Antidepressants and CBT don't 'cure' it. You have to keep practicing what you learned at CBT even when you feel good and you have to make changes in your life too.
I've found mindfulness very beneficial. It slowly changes how you think and look at things. Also, Thai Chi, which you can do at home just ten to twenty minutes a day. There are videos on YouTube for beginners. I do an Easy Thai Chi by Dan Fiore, and also his 8 Brocades daily exercise. It's really slowed me down and I feel calmer.

Wow today is hard. I think this is my sixth day on the sertraline, anxiety is really high. That awful feeling in my stomach you get when you feel like something bad is going to happen. I just want to feel better :(

It actually helped to talk to them @MummyRM100 they were really understanding & one of them is on her last year of psychotherapy training so she kind of gets it. How are you feeling?

@Limensoda - thank you for the tips. I completely agree that anti depressants don’t cure it, I feel like I really need to work on myself as I don’t have much love for myself anymore.

Thanks @MummyRM100. I have been doing a lot of yoga recently and I do find it helpful. I agree with @Limensoda as well that CBT and ads don't cure anything, you have to work on them as well. I've had a lot of resentment about that over the years, but right now I am determined to really focus on the CBT and yoga, running etc and accept that they are something I need to work on, and not to be resentful about being so unhappy.

@Youresocool87 I'm really pleased you saw your friends. Do you do any exercise? That is something else I'd really recommend, especially out in the open and in the sunshine. Even a walk around the block can make the difference you need to get through the day.