Mental health, phones and work

[MermaidMartian]

I'm in trouble at work for being on my phone too much and having an attitude about it. I'm not the world's most perfect employee I know and I had a couple of big talking tos about being on my phone too much last year.

I lost my mum in June unexpectedly. She went from stomach ache, to cancer, to gone in about 3 weeks. I still don't know if I've really processed my feelings. I can still hear my little brother screaming when it was over.

Its definitely increased my anxiety I think because it happened so suddenly. And my little boy has just had chicken pox so I was anticipating a call from his nusery constantly.

My work know that I recently lost my mum but I've not declared anything about depression or anything.

I suppose I just want to ask, am I a lazy cow or is it reasonable to suppose my mind would not be completely on the job?

If I tell them what's going on with me, the depression and anxiety and screaming, can they sack me?

I've never been in trouble over anything and I feel so shitty. I want to but i can't afford to quit.

If I tell them what's going on with me, will that just be another stick to beat me with?

Sorry for your loss, OP.

If you were told off last year for being on your phone too much then that is not connected to your recent loss.I'd keep those two matters separate.

What is it that you are doing on your phone, because from a work point of view, they are paying you to work for them not be on your phone - that's their view on the matter so keep that in mind. It is not personal, they just want someone to do their work.

If you already suffer from anxiety can you speak to your GP about it (or any other health professional that might be involved?). Would you feel comfortable doing that, OP?

I don't think I could even tell you, I mostly check if I have a call or a text about my son or maybe google something if I have dark thoughts. I feel like I was doing a lot better then went down hill.

It makes me a bit angry because I feel like it doesn't effect my performance. I do the work fine, so why stress me out like this.

I'm super defensive and that's the worst thing I can be but I can't stop.

How do I not let it hurt my feelings?

I think you should try to turn this behaviour around OP. You need your job right now, your mental health would be even worse if you had no income. Even if you leave, you'll want a good reference.
Put the phone in a drawer and only look at it at lunchtime. You say you aren't a model employee, are defensive and feel annoyed by them wanting to control what you do when you are there. I'd just suck it up, be a model employee from now on and give them zero room for complaint.
Start looking for another job when you're up to it.
Sorry for your loss 💐

Stay off your phone check it on breaks only

It's not ok to be on your phone at work op, they're not unreasonable to pull you up on that. By all means though you should let work know you're struggling. Are you taking medication for your depression?

Sorry for your loss OP, if you're not able to focus and concentrate at work due to recent bereavement, you have two options - either bring it up with your boss and discuss possible solutions (change in hours, time off for counselling, extra check-ins etc.), or if you feel you are unable to do your job then go to the doctor and get signed off for two or four weeks. No employer can sack you for having anxiety or depression but they can sack you for poor performance. i hope the weight lifts soon.

You should have had bereavement leave. Also bereavement counselling is needed as you lost your mum so suddenly.
Being on your phone at work is a bad example to others so I can understand your employers but you need to tell them exactly what's going on with you.

How long have you worked for this employer?

Even if you did have an illness that amounted to a disability, that doesn't stop them taking disciplinary action against you. It means that they need to make reasonable adjustments to help you manage your condition in the workplace, but I can't see that allowing you to be on your phone excessively would ever count as a reasonable adjustment.

If you're anxious about your son, ask your employer if the nursery can call a landline at work in an emergency, that way you don't need to keep checking. If you feel an urge to look something up on Google, keep a notepad and write it down so you can check it on your break.

Work need to consider adjustments (if you qualify as disabled), but you need to take responsibility for your actions as well.

Hi Op.
Sorry for your loss. Are you performing well at your job? I’m on my phone a lot for mental health support at the moment. My work are aware I have mental health problems and I’m going through an incredibly stressful time - they don’t bat an eyelid at the phone because I’m hitting all my targets (and anyone who hits their targets is fine to do what they want where I work). Most of my team have cctv to their homes and check their phones regularly to.

I don’t think you can use your mental health if it was raised beforehand though. You are likely to be sent to occupational health who will put measures in place to support you if necessary but they will still expect you to perform at your role accordingly.

Take care of yourself

Switch off SM notification alarms.

Check your phone briefly at tea and lunchtimes, only answer your phone if it rings and cut any non urgent call off.