Handhold please-sick mum and declining mental health

[Lostthepoint]

I have shit mental health, anxiety and depression issues. My mental health has been declining the past few weeks, and yesterday my mother was involved in a car accident, which has just made my mental health worse.

I’m anxious to travel in cars now due to the accident, and there’s been possibly life threatening issues too which has been stressful. Just wanted to ask for a handhold

So sorry about your mother’s accident. I hope she heals quickly.

You already have a lot to deal with- take good care of yourself! Do you have a doctor appointment soon? Let them know about the extra stress.

Sending you a hug. Xx

Thank you for the replies. Going to talk to MH services soon after everything calms down a bit. She had a bleed on the brain so everything’s a bit hectic at the moment.

Even if you’re not religious, the hospital chapel can be a nice place to take a quiet, little break.

Didn’t think of that- good idea @cakeandchampagne
Looking at hospital transfer sometime soon as current one doesn’t have the necessary services, the other one is further away meaning hospital trips will become even more draining, finding it tiring already. The one that they’re transferring too already has some bad memories as she was there when she had cancer a few years ago

Whatever else is required of you in these distressing and unsettling circumstances OP, try to remember to do even tiny occasional things for you, just little bits of self-care that will take the edge off your anxious feelings. It's really really vital to think about yourself and what you might need as you respond to your mum's crisis. Eat, drink plenty of water or juice or anything hot that you like, listen to calming music on your phone, have a book or magazine you'll enjoy in your bag during hospital trips, speak to other family members if that's possible (any close friends if not), take short walks anywhere that's a bit quiet and restful and green if at all poss. Remember cake's idea about the Chapel and just grab yourself some space and quiet time there.

Try not to let your mind wander to anxious fearful thoughts. I know how hard that can be, but keeping your focus on 'one step at a time' is very important, just get through this hour and the next hour and this day, one day at a time. It's all any of us can realistically do. "This too shall pass."

I find this simple exercise very grounding when my anxiety starts to spiral. Wherever you are, look around and mentally list 5 things you can see. Then list 4 things you can feel or touch (eg. the fabric of your clothes against your skin, the sensation of one finger resting against another, the air caressing your face, anything at all really). Next identify 3 noises or sounds you can hear, followed by 2 things you can smell. Lastly, notice if there's one thing you can taste. It's a mindful exercise that really brings you into the here and now and can give you respite from anxious thoughts.

Thanks for the advice @interminablehellishwhatever
Luckily today things have been slightly better with the whole situation, although overall I’m worsening again. Haven’t been eating or sleeping properly

Hi Lostthepoint, just checking in to see how you're doing today. Is there no-one around you to prompt you to eat and drink from day to day? If not, is there anyone you know who might pop in on you or call you at the moment to check that you're doing at least the basic self-care? Just wondering if you've managed to eat and drink enough in the last 48 hours.

Your mum's accident has clearly shaken you and you mentioned your fear of going anywhere by car now, so some crisis counselling could make a big difference. Is that an option for you at all? If you're finding it difficult at this stage to look after yourself because of your anxiety and concerns about your mum and the hospital transfer, it would be best to contact MH services soon rather than wait too much longer.

In the meantime, do you have any resources at home that you can use to soothe and reassure yourself? Books, music, baths, some private space, online guidance and relaxation tools, pets to care for? You might need taking out of yourself even for short periods so that you get a break from the worry.

Thinking of you & your mother.
Please remember to eat & rest when you can.

I still live with my parents so typically my dad is around. However he is typically busy a lot with work etc. Trying to eat when possible even though it feels like I’m eating crap most of the time (mainly things such as packets of crisps and endless panini’s from the costa at the hospital). As I’m quite petite luckily I don’t really need to eat that much to keep me going, although I should try to eat more. I’ll admit I do have a bit of an addiction to chewing gum, often choosing to chew gum rather than eat or drink.

Crisis counselling could be an option. A few days ago MH services wrote and mentioned 1-1 therapy (they didn’t say what) however in the past I found counselling not necessarily the most helpful (one counsellor told my parents something, whereas with others I just couldn’t feel as though I could trust them. Although I do have issues trusting people and I know counselling is confidential unless at harm, I still can’t find that trust).

I suppose I could contact them, was badly slipping before the accident therefore was considering contacting them and now I’ve lost it. But at the same time my dad wants me to wait until things have calmed down, I don’t want to anger him.

I have 2 cats and a much younger brother so have been caring for them too. I love reading and writing so have been trying to read where possible, even though I’m finding it difficult to concentrate, have some work to get done but I can’t be bothered with that anymore.

I used to go to the gym a lot and still have membership for there, but then it means going in the car again which I’m trying to avoid. Last few times there I had leg problems so it felt like I was being stared at while I limped out, which just made my anxiety worse. Due to scars I have up my legs, I’m finding it difficult to walk too.

There’s been many family problems which has been adding additional stress. I had been NC with many family members until the accident, now they keep coming to the hospital which is horrible, everything becomes so tense there.

Sorry for long post, think I’ve gotten everything out.

You are handling a lot of stuff right now!
I hope you’ll get a chance to get some mental health help soon. Hopefully you’ll feel more comfortable with the next person.
I’m sure your mother is glad you are able to take care of your brother until she gets back.

No words of wisdom but wanted to send to wish you well. Hope today is a better day for you 💐💐💐

On Tuesday mum came home-seems fine but I’m constantly worrying now as she’s not being monitored 24/7 etc. Phoned the mental health services a few days ago and have gotten therapy for my anxiety tomorrow (well I say that but it is already Friday!). Hopefully going to get some answers on mum’s situation sometime within the next week, these things take ages!

I’m glad she is better and back home.
Look at how much you had to handle! Well done!
I hope today’s appointment is helpful.

Yesterday’s appointment was relatively good. Although I am constantly on edge. Finally got a response from the hospital, should be getting news soon.

Maybe you’ll have more information on Monday. Hopefully they told you any symptoms to watch out for with your mother.
Well done getting to your appointment. Even when things are difficult, you manage to do what needs to be done.