I believe I have BPD (undiagnosed)

[Lulubelle20606]

Hi all

As the title suggests, I believe I have BPD but I have never sought a diagnosis.

The more I learn about the disorder, the more I recognise myself in it:

• Incredibly sensitive, I have been called over-sensitive my entire life.
• Very sensitive to perceived rejection, belittlement, criticism, judgement or humiliation.
• Self-conscious.
• I mirror other people and/or what they want me to be.
• I obsess and over-analyse.
• I oscillate between loving and hating my partner.
• I see relationships as power struggles.
• I both need to and hate to feel vulnerable.8
• Chronically fear being left, cheated on or humiliated in any way as if my worth is tied to the value a partner can give.
• Have cheated for validation.
• Have stayed in relationships for validation.
• I manipulate people and situations to get what I want.
• Obsessive focus on a special person.
• Fear if someone isn't thinking of me/feeling strong for me ALWAYS that I don't exist.
• Need constant validation/reassurance that I am STILL loved/desired.
• Take things personally.
• Addicted to the honeymoon stage.
• Turbulent romantic relationships because I need to be 'the centre.'

I do have great insight and do not always act on this, I would say I'm high functioning but sometimes I can't function well at all and hide away all day.

No traumatic childhood, but my mother was more coddling and my father more withdrawn so I wonder if I oscillate between wanting excessive care and then being used to someone distant and aloof.

Can anyone give any advice or help, or relate in any way?

Have you had therapy? Might be worth a go, try and pick through all these things with someone else in the room.

Do you want a diagnosis? There is a lot of stigma around borderline personality disorder, including from mental health professionals.

The recommended therapy for BPD is DBT.

Are you looking for help privately or through the NHS?

Echo baggypants you need specialist help if you’re looking for a diagnosis and help.

Sounds really hard, being where you are.

Have a think about what you want the outcome to be before you go see a specialist. Do you want a diagnosis? Is it really important to you and will it help in everyday life?

I was diagnosed with bipolar 20 years ago and at some stages in my life a diagnosis has been a hindrance and I wish I never had been diagnosed.

I cope quite well with BP and I havnt been on medication for a while but therapy sessions do help for me.

Think carefully before you jump in

Avoid that diagnosis at all costs. Go by need only. You've no idea the prejudice from all medical practitioners and related professionals if you have that diagnosis and the damage that does if you're struggling.

The prejudice can even be life threatening.

I was refused treatment for diabetes in hospital until they did their own test (despite being diagnosed months before by GP who did the same test) because I must be lying and messing around for attention. I ended up having a full hypo and very ill, literally because I have borderline on my notes.

Thanks all.

I appreciate the warnings about getting an official diagnosis.

What I'm looking for really is to engage with those who have the disorder and find my own coping mechanisms. I don't want to be medicated, and I could get therapy and address these issues without getting a diagnosis.

I also want to keep reading about the condition to see what I can do for myself.

I think you need to seek out a specialist therapist who can help you deal with issues like regulation and impulse control. Try the BACP.

It might be worth considering anti-depressants.

I think it might be difficult to engage with other people with PD outside of a clinical setting, you might find yourself in even deeper water.

I wish you the best of luck, it sounds extremely hard to be where you are now.

You might struggle to find DBT, it’s usually just the skills training with some group sessions - the cheapest parts of it. You could look for a therapist who does MBT, mentalisation based therapy, another evidence based treatment for borderline.

I definitely have BPD but never officially diagnosed despite decades of psychiatric interventions. Have no emotional regulation whatsoever, I do that splitting thing where I either idolise people or they are dead to me, problems with intimacy etc. I just relate so strongly to the whole thing.

I'm learning painfully that the defence mechanism of 'splitting' is probably the defining characteristic in my EUPD. This writer's blog entry is like looking into a mirror in terms of where I am in my process of self-observation and understanding right now. Perhaps you'll find it revealing too:

themighty.com/2016/12/splitting-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/

I was diagnosed by the NHS in 2010, but nobody thought to tell me until last summer! I only found out as the result of another BPD-fuelled crisis.