How do you make yourself a better person?

[Fatterpillar]

I think I’m a total twat. I am very stubborn and find it really hard to admit I’m wrong. I’m over sensitive and quick to fly off the handle. I really dislike myself. How do you make yourself less of a dick?

Bump

I have found that going for therapy has changed me, but it was very painful and it is hard to find a good therapist, it took me a few attempts.

There was a really good thread recently where people listed all their worst attributes.

Bottom line is - no one is perfect. Why not just accept yourself warts and all?

It might be easier to pick one thing at a time to work on.

Can you share a couple of good things about yourself?

Read some self help books. Try Louise Hay's books to start. They are an easy read and really good.
There are so many books but counselling would be very useful.
There are reasons you feel so negative about yourself and you need to explore them before it can change.

Thanks all. I’ll look up that thread Egghead, and Louise Hay Limen.

I’ve always felt this way about myself, but I’ve never been able to talk about it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3645544-Uncomfortable-realisations-about-myself?pg=1&order=

I fly off the handle too and I overreact horribly towards close family members. I also struggle to admit I am wrong. I am in therapy to try to work on these things. I can't report yet how much it is going to help as it is a long term thing. But it feels like a relief to have some support with it.
What I can be fairly sure of is that self loathing does not help. Some self acceptance and self compassion could be a good start.

For anger management specifically, I found this article really helpful and I re-read it often.
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/chill-pill/201501/10-tips-reducing-anger
For self compassion I have this book, which I confess I have not actually read cover to cover (maybe it's time i did) but have dipped into it.
[[https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1849015597/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_FuDuDbSC78HJM?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
The Compassionate Mind Approach to Managing Your Anger (Compassion Focused Therapy)]]

At least you are aware of it. That's half the battle. Some people think it's everyone else's fault.
No one can make you angry. You can change yourself, yo can't change other people. You find that if you change, other people change in how they react to you too.
There are CBT courses on anger management.
A lot of my reactions have changed as I've learned mindfulness over the years. Things that I got angry about don't bother me so much. Waiting in queues for example,....I used to get really irritated but now I don't.

I’ve got a bit less angry since I’ve been on Citalopram. I think it’s made my reactions a bit better.

Do you know what is at the root of your anger? If so then as others have said, counselling will be really helpful. And if you don’t know the root of it, again go and do some counselling to find out what it is.

I’m just irritable, I suppose. The main problem I have though isn’t my anger but my stubbornness and inability to admit I’m wrong (at least with my partner).

A good question you can learn to ask yourself in situations where you're unable to face the possibility that you might be wrong: "Do I want to be happy, or would I rather be right?"

Think about it. Both stubbornness and self-righteousness are at the root of conflict. At a personal level it usually goes back to a style of relating that began in your childhood, when some early developmental negotiations with your parents failed because they didn't know how to meet your needs correctly. You might find it helpful to think about the sort of situations or relationship 'transactions' that usually bring up your irritability. Look for patterns that set you off, and think about how you feel when you get into that stubborn or self-righteous space. What happens in your body and how does your mindset change (even subtly) when you won't 'give in' or when you can't tolerate being 'wrong'? How could you change the feeling or let it go? How might you challenge the thoughts? For example, with practice you might notice that the stubborn feeling changes if you notice it and remove yourself from the conflict (eg. go for a walk or a bike ride, kick a ball around, do something practical that needs doing like cleaning). That way, you channel any frustration you're feeling into an activity you can control. The stubborn feeling changes, you're letting go of it for a while so that it's not controlling you. Similarly, start to question what 'being right' means to you - what does it prove about you and your 'value' as a person? Even if you are right about something, is it possible you confuse a need to be right with being worthy and lovable as a person in your own right? Or did your early relationships leave you in doubt about your inherent self-worth? Does being 'wrong' equate with weakness, humiliation, being worthless, losing, perhaps even self-annihilation?