How long can I keep on fighting ?
Long term mental health problem which I cannot disclose as it may identify me.
I’m a long term mumsnetter but haven’t posted for years. Now find myself desperate for anyone to talk to.
I don’t have much left to give anymore. I spend my time imagining how I can escape everything. The classic everyone will be better off without me. Even the dog is fed up of me. My kids well I’ve done my best but I’m at a loss with the oldest. I cannot financially give them enough. We never have holidays. All their mates question them why not. I manage to work part time but cannot earn hardly anything. The type of job is low paid. Too old and stupid to better myself or get a career. I feel like my partner hates me. He will end up cheating eventually anyway. My mental health condition is coming between us. I’m not horrible to him or anything. It’s all internal in my head. Then I’m sad. He will get fed up.
I have lost all but one of my friends. I guess that’s my fault too.
I feel incredibly stuck and the only thing that I can think about is that I must die to escape.
I can’t ring the Samaritans and talk to them. It would just be weird. I have emailed in the past but the wait is too long.
I don’t want to be this person.
Other people have real problems which makes me feel ashamed.