Borderline personality disorder

[K4THERINE]

A few days ago I came on here looking for support regarding my bpd & to maybe find some people who suffer with it also. I was looking for some coping mechanisms & just basically trying to self soothe.

Instead I found so many threads demonising us. There was one thread with a very abusive partner & someone wrote he sounds borderline.

Another said her sister in law is borderline and won’t let her child go to the cinema with her 🙄

So naturally I was quite horrified, and upset... I have two children of my own & in regards to them I am very stable & they have an excellent life.

I just wish people would read up on things before throwing out horrible generalisations when they clearly have no idea what bpd even is. I don’t lie, manipulate, steal or cheat. I’m not abusive, violent or aggressive.

I’m just sad, empty, struggling & haven’t got a clue what or who I am or what category I slip into. People don’t like labels most of the time but I disagree, I’d like a label, it would give me some clarification instead of walking around in a blur. The only category I feel I’ve consistently stayed in or around is probably emo. But that changes based on who I will be around that day. It’s like having to build a blank canvas up every day depending on who I’m with or what I’m doing.

Does that make sense? Does anyone else have bpd and feel this way?

Hi OP. I also have BPD, there have also been quiet a few other threads which have been more supportive.

Like most things I believe it lies along a spectrum, and there's a huge difference in someone who is actively in treatment and those who aren't.

I was actually relived when I found out I was borderline. Bt my therapist didn't actually tell me for 9 months. It finally explained me perfectly and why I felt things so strongly.

There are people who will make those assumptions- I was told in class by someone who is a therapist "that the mother would hit the child when it cried because she was borderline" .

No way would my current therapist ever say that to me.

I mention this all the time: but two documentaries I would really recommend (which are available on youtube) would be:

1.Back from the edge borderline personality disorder

1. Dr Aguirre's Insights on Borderline Personality Disorder

Other books I really liked were:

Get me out of here- bpd
I hate you don't leave me.

I'm a member on another mental health forum which is more active. You could PM if you want.

Thanks, I’m going to watch the video now & I’ll get back to you. I just watched a few moments of it & he said if bpd isn’t complicated by trauma then a lot get better. No hope for me then!

@Orangecake123 did you read the comments on the video? Just wow...

“Dirk Hamilton
MIKE SIERRA, sorry, Ive got to disagree, people with BPD dont just have emotions that are out of control. Their lives become such wrecks, and they loose all sympathy because they go out of their way to punish the people around them for their own inappropriate emotions.

BPD wife opens a credit card in your name and has the bill sent to a friends house? Well, thats you fault, because you didnt love her.

BPD wife has an affair? Thats also your fault, again because you didnt love her.

BPD wife hits you in the face with an ashtray....yep, your fault.

BPD wife is angry at herself that she dropped out of high school and wont get her GED? Yep, your fault.

BPD addicted to tobacco? Yep, my fault. She said so. Now she smoked since she was 15 and was 30 when I met her, but she only smokes because of the stress I cause her....somehow.

BPD wife cant keep a job more that 3 months? Not her fault because ...blah, blah, blah.

BPD women are never, ever, ever at fault for anything. They wrecked the car? Yep, she will let you know that SOMEHOW, that was also your fault, doesn't matter that you weren't there. If you loved her more or didn't look down on her.....blah, blah, blah....then she wouldn't have run the stops sign.

People dont leave BPDs because BPDs are suffering, they leave them, if they do, because BPDs go out of their way to hurt other people.

Or in my case run us up $18k in credit card debt because, put the money for the payments in their own account and leave, buy a new house then declare bankruptcy immediately, while Im still on the hook for the financing on her new vehicle.

Sorry, people are not unsympathetic to BPDs for no reason. Its not like we see a kid with cance and say "too bad kid, not my problem" and walk away.

No, BPDs go out of their way to punish and betray everyone who cares about them, and NEVER apologize.”

“Dirk Hamilton
MIKE SIERRA, In answer to your question, I've had close dealings with two people with BPD, my ex wife and her daughter. So, care to retract that assertion that its "obvious" that Ive only ever dealt with one person with BPD and are making the assumption that they are all the same?

First, my sample set is 100% bigger than you assume, but lets completely put that aside for the moment. Lets assume that "I" have never dealt with a single person with BPD. Take me out of the equation. ......how does every other man who's been in a relationship with a BPD afflicted woman describe her behavior? Any patterns emerging that you can see? You'll find that the behavior I discribe is the same behavior that that 90% of other men describe.

So, Ill stand by my initial assertion; Men dont leave women with BPD because the women are suffering and the men are just indifferent. They leave because these women go out of their way to make the lives of those around them a living hell.

Had my wife, and step daughter, not constantly lied, constantly stolen, constantly blamed the VICTIMS of their fury for their behavior, I never would have cut ties to either.

If my wife had some horribe disease or accident that caused me to have to push het around in a wheelchair, wipe her butt and spoon feed her, that would be fine. Id glady do that. What I wont do is be hit, lied to, manipulated, stolen from then INSULTED and told that I was to blame for her sleeping, stealing and manipulation. Thats the beaking point. I suspect I am not alone in this. Please dont assume that everyone with BPD is abandoned just because everyone in the world is out to get them and nothing is their fault. Such an attitude is she core of BPD behavior. Nothing is ever their fault. Ever”

“
J B
My mother was BPD. She was the most vicious, cruel human being I have ever met. Her hate was unparalleled. She should never have been allowed to have children. The number of lives, jobs, happiness that she has destroyed during her lifetime is staggering. There are quite a few people in counseling or emotionally destroyed from her selfishness. I would not wish her presence on my worst enemy.”

I also believe I have bpd (currently undiagnosed but behaviours and profile match me strongly and my GP and therapists have in no way ruled it out).

Always happy to chat. I've recently joined some bpd groups on facebook which have made me feel a little less alone.

Hi OP,
.
There are some horrible comments about BPD on here. I have autism and see similar things said about those of us on the spectrum.

If you do see any comments that are offensive, do report them to the forum team.

It just confuses me that maybe they’ve had one bad experience or relationship with someone with bpd, so we are all the same. These bpd people they are describing do not describe myself at all, and not only that, it sounds like they have several other mental illnesses along with their bpd because I’m certainly not like that

I have BPD and it's not just on here I see it, it's everywhere.

Anytime some acts like a total cunt, it's 'oh, I bet they have BPD'. It's bullshit. I don't hurt anyone, I'm not a psychopath or a boogeyman - I'm just an emotionally broken person from years of abuse. I'm empty and emotionally crippled, not a fucking monster.

I was diagnosed BPD. I'm currently being re-assessed for autism (many articulate women are misdiagnosed) and there were some things which happened during my diagnosis I'm questioning.

I'm a danger to nobody. I'm a fucking mouse.

I just don't deal with bullshit people very well. Ironically in a crisis I'm a fucking legend - someone lies to my face? I fall apart.

I wouldn't say that makes me mentally ill!

^^"I'm just an emotionally broken person from years of abuse".

I had some therapy years ago which helped in the sense that it was the first time someone validated the abuse and its effect upon me... but it was good for ME - not for any particular named disorder. I was sent for DBT last year - I walked out after 30 minutes - everyone in that room was "socially challenged" shall we say. i.e., your shoplifters, your drunks, your brawlers in the street, your addicts, your prostitutes. I am NOT like that.

"Just fucked up from years of abuse. "

Fwiw - I think misdiagnosis must be rife. We all know what a "typical borderline" is - and for many of us carrying this diagnosis we're left thinking WTF? One of my oldest friends (we met 35 years ago) is a psychiatrist and when I told her I was BPD her head nearly spun off - she's not buying the diagnosis either.

I was going to ask my doc about dbt as was told it has a good success rate. But after hearing that, no thanks. I’d be very offended walking into that. Also my psychiatrist wanted me to do group therapy, no thanks. Cos I’ve seen some of them in the waiting room & they all look like junkies & pissheads too. Not being judgemental, you could smell the booze!

I think I have bpd, I feel it’s the right diagnosis but what isn’t right is the portrayal of us, it’s so weird because as you say, we aren’t like that at all

@MaxiPaddy I get it. Feeling the same way, then watched the bpd video & read a bunch more of hateful shit so I replied

Katherine
At first I was just plain disgusted with people like Dirk, JB & a few others. Then I actually started laughing at their irony about calling BPD people malicious, evil, life ruiners, when they are the ones spewing all the vile hate... 😂

For a start, I was diagnosed bpd at 32. I have never stolen, lied, cheated, been violent, set out to ruin someone’s life or any of the other garbage these men have come out with. They just sound like bitter woman haters to me.

Let’s all pity them & send them virtual hugs, as they are craving attention by the look of it cos they’ve had a shitty relationship which they probably greatly contributed to...

Oh & I have two beautiful children that are my life, along with my partner, they are gorgeous, happy, thriving children that are well loved and want for nothing. So to the person that said people with bpd shouldn’t have children, have a word with yourself - you’re talking outta your arse and don’t have a clue what you’re talking about!