I dont know what to do

[Katkat93]

I'm not sure what has made me post on here but I cant talk to anyone else.

I'll give a bit of background

As a teenager I was depressed. I attempted to kill myself when I was 16 by taking an overdose. It didnt work and just made very sick. I have never told anyone about this other than the staff who treated me at A&E at the time. Afterwards I refused to see my GP so I tried to deal with it on my own. A year later I met my DH and had my DD1 a year after that. I was ok for a while not amazing but much better than I was and managed I to get on with life without any additional support.

Fast forward to today DD1 is 6 and DD2 is 8 months and for the last 2 years or so I have been very low and anxious and for the last 6 months it has got to the point I do not want to be here anymore. I find life extremely overwhelming, DD2 constantly cries and dont I enjoy her one bit (I feel awful saying that out loud) and I am due to return to work next week full time so I can only see things getting worse. I eventually went to see my GP who prescribed me sertraline. This made me worse so she then prescribed mitrazapine which also has not helped and made the suicidal feelings more intense so I have stopped taking them. I was also referred to the CMHT a couple of months ago who assessed me and said as I didnt seem keen on speaking to someone they would be passing me back to my GP.

Each day that goes by the suicidal feelings are getting worse and as much as I dont want to be here I know I cant leave my DH and DC as I'd only be passing my problem on to them. However these feelings are increasing daily and I am worried I am going to get to a point where I will do something. I have been burning myself to try and relieve the pressure a bit but this only helps for a short time. The Anti depressants I have taken so far dont seem to agree with me and I struggle to talk to anyone (going to my GP was hard enough) I'm not sure what else I can do to try and make myself improve for the sake of my family. I have turned into a horrible mother I struggle to deal with DD2 and Im constantly shouting at DD1 for the most stupid things. They dont deserve that kind of mother and I am desperate to try and change but I dont know how to.

Hi
Have you confided in your dh How your really struggling ? Is/would he be supportive to you?
Sounds like your depressed.

Ad’s do give you suicidal thought at the start up, this should usually past in a few weeks until they get in your system
Did your gp give you any diazepam to help with the start up SE, as they can be bad.
Heightened anxiety, mood swings,snappy etc

Go back to gp and tell them exactly how you feel pls for your own good
Ask for the diazepam for a short while just till they kick in, they will definitely help .

If you feel you can’t manage going back to work(whilst just starting AD’s ) they go off sick, till they kick in
But pls go back to gp, it’s not you it’s your bloody thoughts. There not real there just thoughts.

Ad’s are making you feel this way, which they can do at start up
Can you speak about it to your mum or perhaps a friend

Thank you so much for replying me. I wouldn't tell DH about the depression he doesnt understand that sort of thing and I dont think it would be helpful to tell him. I havent been able to bring myself to tell anyone anything about this apart from my SIL but I did not tell her how bad it was I only said I was a little but down because I needed her to watch my older girl while I went to the doctors. I told the GP the sertraline made me worse but I didnt say specifcally they increased the suicidal feelings as I get really anxious and nervous and barely speak when I go. The mirtrazapine has been the same hence why I stopped so I will go back to the GP and try explain things to her a bit better. Again thanks a lot for replying to me.

I Just had a thought, have you ever had your hormones checked??
As they play a massive part in the way we feel. Age doesn’t come into it when hormones are out off zinc
Get them checked out ASAP, don’t take no
Before checking hormones, gp’s reach for ad’s route, this is not always so.
I don’t know how old you are?
But from the age you mentioned 10
That’s maybe when your hormones were changing, just seem coincidence
If your hormones are not balanced all sort off things happen
Fatigue, depression anxiety irritation
Headaches, body aches the list is massive.
Check out menopausematters
Website.
Your period doesn’t have to have stopped, im just saying the way you feel maybe hormone related

Push for hormone check, check
For balanced levels
don’t get fobbed off not at your age !!

Hi I'm 26. I didnt know that could be something I'll say to the gp when I go back. Thank you 😊