thanks, the doctor wants to see me in two weeks when she comes back on holiday. I explained to her that i am worried about side effects and she said for DP to keep a close eye on me over the next few weeks to make sure i havent got worse. How can he do that, he has to work
Feeling really low today, DP gone off out, i thought i was supposed to be going with him but he said he didnt have time to wait for me. He has gone off to do a computerised exam thing for a cert he needs for work. He was going to be 1 hour and while he did that i was going to take DD to the park. Now im stuck at home trying to keep myself busy, worrying about everything (now have a lovely genuine health concern that im trying to keep at the back of my head so wont discuss it here) and keeping a hot and bored DD happy. I had promised a trip to the park, but i dont drive. Sorry, a bit self pitying but it helps to write it down. Just goes to show how trivial things are really getting to me. Quite angry with DP as he said he would support me and was at the doctors yesterday when she told him that i really cant help the way i am as i am not well and can't just snap out of it, as he keeps saying. #I know it must be hard for him, the person he loved just isnt here at the moment, instead he has a clingy, moody, weepy, borderline psychotic (his words) to deal with. And, i dont even want to have sex, actually that was when i knew somethign was wrong that i couldnt control anymore, because it never mattered how shit things were i always wanted sex, i used to pester DP for it even. Now he is lucky if i lie there and think of england.
Sorry, long rant.
It was funny last night, i went for a walk and saw lots of families on the beach and just get so overwhelmed with the unfairness of it, it is like they belong to a happy world that i am not allowed to enter. So now i have these tablets tempting me, with the promise of letting me into that world, but at what price?