Is there something wrong with my MH?

[KnittingForMittens]

I don't even know whether I have something wrong with me or whether it is just my personality.

I have always been the kind of person that keeps myself to myself (now). I don't interact with anyone on social media as I do not have it, I do not meet people for coffees or anything like that as I only have two friends and they have their own lives to live (I'm the only one with a child).

I've been asked many times whether I feel lonely and sometimes, I do. But I've been let down and used so many times for the past 10 years and I have finally had enough of being second best and stopped asking people how they are and messaging people first. I've stopped giving a shit about other people, so if someone who hasn't messaged me for a long time starts telling me their life story, I just point blank ignore it because when I did the same, they ignored me so it is tit for tat. I used to be the most helpful, polite and kindest person you could ever meet but I'm none of those things now.

Anyhow that has changed me in some ways. I am fully introverted. I don't even like people coming to my house, not even my own family. If they say they're on the way, I immediately start to panic. I also notice I get hot headed and bad tempered if people start telling me what I should and shouldn't do

There are days where I feel extremely lonely, low and depressed... more than others, actually but I just plod on and try and keep myself motivated which can be hard.

I just don't know whether I am starting to become the type of person with no empathy or feelings towards people or whether it is depression playing up on me (mental health illnesses run in my family, unfortunately).

Is it normal not to invite your own family and friends to your house?! And to panic when they decide to invite themselves anyway

There is nothing wrong with not wanting people in your home. I'm fairly social but don't really like people coming to my house. I like seeing people for a short time but when I want my space I want my space.
I think your problem is that you feel down more often or not. I suppose you need to work out what, if anything, is making you feel like that and what, if anything, you can do about it.
Have you had a check up with the Doctors to check there are no underlying health issues.

I quite little short social interactions. I'll meet a pal for a quick coffee. Nothing deep and meaningful but pleasant. I find sport works well for me. Badminton is easy and inexpensive to play and many sports centres have pay 'n play drop in session. You play some badminton then have a quick casual chat with other people and then go home.

Do you work? You may be getting all the social interactions you need there.

Hope you work things out. 💐