Generalised Anxiety Disorder - 25 years of living hell

[GADDay]

I am an old Mnetter, signed back up for help/ability to just talk as there is nobody IRL who I can talk to.

I have suffered from GAD/PND/Health anxiety since a life changing event as a young adult (I witnessed a suicide). I am permanently anxious, feel like I cant cope, suffer from insomnia and panic attacks. I hide it from my children, friends and colleagues. DH is my only sounding board but after 20 years might be getting a bit bored of my troubles.

I have tried everything - 6 different types of A.D., counselling, CBT but mostly just struggling along in silence.

NOTHING works long term and I am getting so so tired of keeping up a facade.

Is this my life until I die? I'd love to know what might have worked for others.

I am so lonely. It feels like being an anxiety alien.

Hopeful bump?

I'm not sure what to say to help but want you to know someone is reading.

I have anxiety too. Not to your level but I can identify in some small way with how you feel. It's shit.

I saw a wonderful counsellor a little while ago who helped me talk through my feelings and understand why I had them. I guess you've tried that already?

GAD here too. Most of my life on reflection. Slowly getting to the bottom of it. I know it won't go away but I cope with it. Yoga, citalopram, counselling, getting older and wiser, and making
sure I talk about it. Outwardly I am confident.Others view me as 'havin g it all' as I have a well paid job, nice husband, children and house, speak and dress well... But I have regular panic attacks, overwhelming intrusive thoughts and I medicate with chocolate. The only outward sign for me is that I'm overweight. You are not alone OP.

Thank you, it feels like I live 2 lives. My outward life - like you Cat, where an observer would be none the wiser, my inward life, which rolls from worry to worry. Constantly battling intrusive anxious thoughts.

Quilliam, have tried counselling so many times, it tends to stir me up and results in short bursts of energy to try to fend off my thoughts, but never lasts. Feels so futile and lonely

Oh that sounds really difficult. If the anxiety stems from the traumatic event have you tried EMDR?
I have emetophobia after a traumatic childhood event and went for EMDR. It hasn't cured me by any means but it has stopped the intrusive thoughts so I can get on with my day.

HRH that's very interesting. Not something I have ever investigated. I will definitely look into it.

Glad it's helped you

Thank you, it feels like I live 2 lives. My outward life - like you Cat, where an observer would be none the wiser, my inward life, which rolls from worry to worry. Constantly battling intrusive anxious thoughts. This describes me exactly OP. I haven't found an answer yet but you are definitely not alone.

Really interested to hear more about EMDR, how many sessions, what is involved etc.

In my experience the therapist takes a few sessions to find out the history, practice "safe places" and relaxation exercises. Then they begin to slowly take you through the traumatic event, the sights, sounds, smells and so on because you have to take yourself back there in order to re-process the information in a way which is no longer "current" in your mind or emotions.

I'm not going to lie, after the first one I very nearly didn't go back as I was not expecting the experience and it was tough. But I did go back, for 8 sessions in total, I ran out of money or I would have done more. My therapist was very knowledgable and had been working with the emergency services for many years.

CBT and counselling never even touched the sides for me, this is the only thing that has had some lasting effect. It's definitely worth a go.

Hypnotherapy might be worth a try.

I also suffer from anxiety and health anxiety. I'm on citalopram which helps but often I can't tell how much. Counselling helps a bit. I have some paperwork in the house on the super scanner and health anxiety which I read when I feel myself spiralling.

I can't offer much advice because I haven't managed to fix myself - but you're definitely not alone.

Please don't hide it from family. This just adds to your anxiety.

Interestingly, I had hypnotherapy, in the immediate aftermath of the suicide. It was a traumatic event (gunshot in close quarters). The hypnotherapy did help to calm me but later attempts were not successful.

I don't have a close relationship with my immmediate family, so can't really talk to them.

I have tried every spectrum of AD, diazapam, homeopathic remedies, Chinese Medicine. ADs do rein in the anxious thoughts but leave me feeling flat and depressed and worse in different ways.

Its been a very long 25 years. Next stop is to try EMDR, willing to try anything.

Thank you HRH for the extra info.

Good luck to you 💐

I think I beat you GADDA
I suffered on & off for around 39 f....
Years and loathe it with passion

Like you I tried most things out there
And really nothing as stuck long term
I’m at the point this time round of
Thoughts off going out on my own
Being scaredy thinking I’m not in control and will be ok
It’s a constant battle, where the thought goes round and round in the vicious circle ⭕️

If I try to engage in something, the thought don’t switch off and I can feel the adrenaline rising inside of me, it’s hardly ever enjoyable and calming

I keep myself away from family, they say they understand but then I get “just do it” don’t be a stranger
I just see them when I know I maybe can cope but it’s never more than an hour
I much better with strangers! Maybe because in my head I know they don’t know about my illness

My world is getting smaller
Been with dp 20 yrs , he’s supporting but I think he forgets sometimes exactly how it affects me

My friend in a similar situation has started to take CBD oil (cannabis oil) she says it is calming.