Anyone had emdr?

[2004pickle]

I’m having emdr and today I focussed on a particularly sad and lonely period of my life for various reasons. I was bullied in this time but other things happened too. I now just feel utterly flat and tearful. It’s all come back to me and don’t know if this is normal.

I have ptsd from an unrelated traumatic incident later in my life and when the emdr focussed on that traumatic event I felt better after each session (it worked quite quickly), so I am surprised that I am feeling so shit tonight.
Any wisdom or experience would be appreciated? I am feeling so very sad and lost and it feels just like it did at this time in my life.

If you don’t have wisdom or experience then a hand hold or even a quick hello would be appreciated too.

Yes, that's a totally normal reaction. Your therapist should have warned you that you may feel emotional afterwards or other traumatic memories may come to the surface. Hold on in there, things should improve with time and therapy. Let your therapist know how you feel. Do you have anyone to support you through this? Take care

Yes, all the pain and memories need to be brought to the forefront in order for your brain to process them.

Really sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Did you get a 'safe space' or lightstream to help with any difficult emotions? Hope the feelings don't last too long. My understanding is that EMDR is like churning up a muddy puddle and it can take a while for memories and emotions to settle down again afterwards.

No advice to give as have no experience of this. But hand hold here

Hi @2004pickle, I am here to hand-hold. Have had some EMDR myself, initially for anxiety but it did end up kind of dragging other things out (in sort of a good way, if that makes sense)
Obviously not an expert at all but I’m sure what you’re feeling is normal, perhaps it’s a bit harder because you’ve started addressing something that was buried deeper.
When will you see your therapist again? Definitely explain how you’ve been feeling. The one time I finished a session feeling worse than when I’d started, my therapist was really good at sort of ‘grounding’ me (if that makes sense)
I hope you feel better soon, take good care of yourself for this evening

The therapist did explain it and I did the safe space visualisation and lights stream before we started any of the emdr, but this is the first week I’ve felt this emotional. The first couple of sessions I focussed on what I thought was the ‘bigger’ trauma and although I felt the emotions I also felt better quite quickly.
This a whole horrendous 3 years of my life that I have tried hard not to think about for years. I’m shocked at how overwhelmingly sad and broken I feel and that the empty and lonely feeling has come back even though my life is so different now. I am going to do some mindfulness now before bed to see if it helps.
Will I feel like this all week? I can’t stop crying. I’ve not cried about this for many years.
Thank you SO much for responding

I think she realised I felt terrible at the end and she was kind chatted to me before I left and talked about ways of dealing with difficult feelings over the next week (mindfulness/ safe space etc). I’m seeing her again next Tuesday but then have to miss a week while I am away which I’m now worried about.
This period has haunted my life for so long and I know its been buried deep :-(

Yes totally normal. Big hug to you. I had EMDR following a very traumatic incident which triggered PTSD. The first time I had a session I nearly passed out from the strain of it. I can happily report that after several sessions it cured me from repeated flashbacks and panic attacks. It's a horrible process to have to go through but it's 1000 times worth it x

Thank you all for your kindness and hope.
I’ve shown hardly any outward emotion about this for years and when I had another trauma and the anxiety kicked in, it dragged it all back up.

It probably won't help tonight, but all these emotions being dragged to the surface mean they are no longer buried, and so you will be able to move on. I can imagine they have hit you hard due to being so far buried. You won't stay feeling like this- hope the mindfulness works

Just re read the comments and you’ve no idea how helpful they are. Thank you.
I slept really well and feel anxious and subdued this morning but not overwhelmed. Hardly anyone knows I am having therapy or what has happened to me in my life so I don’t really have people I can talk to. Dh knows but I don’t tend to talk to him much.

Not sure if this is normal but I am actually feeling much more withdrawn and don’t really want to be with people which may be connected to the therapy and it was a period of terrible loneliness.

I’m trying to plan fun days with dc to distract my mind this week.
Another question. Am I likely to have other triggers through the week back to those feelings again? I’m trying to do my mindfulness practice twice a day which has helped a lot with the anxiety and panic before I started treatment.

Hey - I had EMDR years ago. Therapy, of all types, can be incredibly emotional and difficult as you try to process things which you may have buried. I have come out of therapy sessions and felt like I couldn't see any one or do anything. It's tough but you will get through it and the benefits will be worth it. You're a strong person to be addressing this so you'll manage to weather this storm. Good luck.

I’m not feeling great this afternoon. I don’t want to talk to anyone and not sure whether to ‘allow’ myself to feel so shit or to try to distract myself. I’ve used the techniques for difficult emotions and they are sort of working but the stuff that happened made me hate myself and feel isolated and having all that in my mind is worse than I’d imagined it would be. I want to just curl up in a ball and cry
I will tell the therapist all of this and have written it down. I’ve never had proper therapy and I have had quite a lot of horrible stuff happen in the past 5 years so I suppose it will have to be a painful process. This thread has actually really helped with the lonely feeling

I'm really glad to hear that! You're not alone.

If this is one of your first times doing therapy then I can understand why it's so traumatic. Make sure to tell your therapist how you responded so that they can make sure to manage that with you.

If you feel like you are in crisis mode, you can contact the Samaritans in between your sessions: www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/ Hopefully just expressing the feeling here has helped.

I spoke to a friend today and told her how crap I felt which felt like a relief and we are meeting tomorrow. I am worried because I don’t want to speak to anyone or see anyone. I’m actually ok with my dc so just doing as many fun things as I can with them.
It’s so weird - I haven’t had feelings as strong as these for years and I can’t stop crying. I feel hurt and under threat even though no one has hurt me for years. I’m quite panicky too but have medication to help with that.
Shall I email the psychologist to let her know in advance of my next session or just keep a record? I am supposed to write down triggers and feelings but since the latest session it’s been constant

Ofpalestsilver

Expressing myself here has helped.

You’ve all been so kind and I’ve really needed it this week.
I come across as such as a strong supportive and happy person in real life.

Feeling so shit today and I can’t shift it. It’s overwhelming. I’m wondering about ringing my gp as I’m not on ADs but wonder if I might need them if the emdr has brought back feelings this strong. But equally maybe I need to give the emdr time. I don’t want to start medication now as I’m going on holiday and I’ve reacted badly to medication in the past so don’t want to try something new while I am out of the country.
I’m also panicking that I’m never going to stop feeling like this. I might ring the Samaritans later just to talk. I knew I’d been traumatised all those years ago but never knew getting help would feel so awful

It will get better! Just hang on in there. If you're struggling so much, I would contact your therapist and ask their advice. Let them know that you are considering asking your GP for ADs and that you haven't reacted well to them in the past. Also let them know that you are at the point of needing to call the Samaritans for support. KOKO! It will pass

I’ve actually just met up with a friend and I told her lots of stuff, about what happened years ago and about how the emdr has left me feeling. I think I feel a bit better. The best way to describe it is that I feel lighter.
I will email the psychologist too and let her know.
I’ve never had ADs before but reacted to other medication so am a bit scared of taking anything new. I’ve decided to have another couple of sessions before I decide to see my doctor.
Thanks for the I had no idea therapy could actually churn up so much horrible stuff so quickly

@2004pickle that sounds like a good idea to let her know. I’m glad that posting in here has helped you and that you could share with a friend. That’s great that you have that kind of comfortable friendship :)

I’ve now also been reassured in real life that it’s ‘normal’ to feel this overwhelmed and so I’m not as worried as I was. At least the emdr is working and I know I’ve got a lot more stuff to deal with and it’s going to be hard but hopefully worth it. I’m worried about going back to work but really don’t want to have any time off sick. I’m hoping work might be a distraction and I have 4 more sessions and a holiday before I’m back.
I’m still feeling awful today and it is literally like my body is back 6 years ago aching and heavy and an overwhelming sad and withdrawn feeling. I’ve not even told dh how shit I feel as I can’t find many words to say and have barely communicated with anyone apart from my children and one friend. I’ve planned another fun day outdoors with dc tomorrow which so far has been the best thing for me to do. Evenings are the hardest so I’m off to bed soon.