How to help dh with anxiety and work issues due to perfectionism

[parkrunhun]

DH is increasingly having problems at work due to closer working with a new colleague.

DH is a perfectionist who holds him self to ridiculously high standards, often staying late to finish paperwork and getting very anxious about his standards ! These are self imposed as his boss is lovely and is very happy with his work.

A new colleague has transferred to his team, from what I hear (from another team member who I am friends with) this guy is laid back, easy going, clients really like him. However his paperwork is not up to DH's standards and this is causing DH to get v annoyed and anxious.

DH has made a complaint to his boss but is now upset as his boss is not too worried - although has promised to speak to the colleague.

DH will not let this go !

How can I help DH both with this and how to make his perfectionism more manageable?

Oh meant to say I suspect DH is on the autistic spectrum but has never had a formal diagnosis.

That comes across more as controlling than perfectionism. Especially as the boss is not worried. Try and focus your DH's attention on his own work and not other people's. He cannot control other people.

Yes I see that, I think trying to control others is maybe a way of making himself feel better about his own work too !

So he can tell himself that he is always better than others ?

...but if your DH makes the other colleague perfect then his work won't be better than his colleagues?

Can you sell it to him that way?

His USP is his amazing attention to detail and perfect paperwork.

In reality people have different USPs - perhaps the other person is great at relationship building.

I agree that this is controlling not perfectionism as he isn't the manager here.

Try hypnosis & NLP. It's great for anxiety.

You can only emphasise to your DH that the colleague needs to meet the accepted standards of the company, not his own. If he has anyone he sees about his behaviour or anxiety (like a GP) it would be worth seeing them about this, sometimes a third party can get the message across a bit easier (although it will still be awfully hard for him to accept!).