Since the birth of my son last year I’ve tried really hard to make some mum friends. I have some lovely local school friends who I see regularly but none of them have children yet. The first six months of his life or so I really struggled as I had PND so found going out very difficult and being around other mums hard as I felt like a failure and wasn’t coping compared to them.
I eventually started to feel more myself though and made an effort and met up one-on-one with a few people for a coffee or playdate etc. I met a couple at various groups and some through NCT. I forced myself to reach out. I was quite careful in who I chose to ask to meet up and they were people I thought I’d gel with well. I’m not brilliant at small talk but I made a real concerted effort to push myself in these situations – asking lots of questions about them, being interested in their baby, often driving out of my way to meet up, listening and smiling etc.
But then… nothing. I sent a message about meeting up again. I sent a message to wish someone’s son a happy 1st birthday and got no response, not even a ‘thank you’. I like these people and want to be friends. But I don’t want to feel rejected and I don’t want to look desperate. I don’t need a best friend. just want some nice people with similarly-aged children to meet up with every now and again on my non-working days.
Our NCT group was due to meet up yesterday. A date and place was scheduled months ago – everyone could come. No-one had organised details e.g. time so I suggested some this week as it looked like no one was going to. Seven couples became two. People just started dropping out with excuses and I kept thinking it was because they didn’t like me.
How do I deal with feeling rejected? How do I stop taking it so personally and caring so much? How do I ask people to meet up again without sounding desperate? Why don’t people want to see me again? Why don’t people reply to me? I feel so sad.