Help

[Ali246]

I feel so so down, I feel like my kids would honestly 100% be better off without me. I feel like I'm just not enough for them, with my mental health issues, poor mind set and trauma from my horrific upbringing I just feel like I'm going to screw them up, I look at photos of there innocent little faces when there not with me and I just sob because I'm so lost, I want what's best for them but o truly beleive I can't give that to them, I love them with everything I am and they've always got what they need but I just feel it's not enough, I feel so selfish even if I get myself a packet of crisps from the shop, it's my baby's first birthday and my other baby's 2nd birthday next month and I've barely got them anything, they've been so spoilt by everyone else but with going back college in September and struggling with debt I've barely been able to spare £20 each on them which just adds to the guilt. There's always food in my cupboards and they always eat but because I don't spend a lot on shopping like other people I feel like a let down again and once again it isn't enough, I'm struggling to see the light st the end of the tunnel, I feel so stuck, I just want them to have a good life and I feel it won't happen with me around, sometimes I think maybe I should just end it all and then they will be free from me, im always so stressed and frustrated and if I don't spend every minute of the day playing with them I feel guilty and like a bad mum, has anyone else felt like this?? I know this isn't normal but I'm terrified of mentioning it to anyone because of how messed up my feelings are

Re: amount spent on presents - don't worry or feel guilty as they are too little to be aware of what you are spending, they just want their lovely mummy to be with them at their age imo.

Do you think you may have a bit of depression? Because it sounds like it. A chat to a sympathetic health visitor or gp would be a good idea.

Take good care of yourself x

A mom who thinks and talks of her children the way you do is simply the most amazing mom I know x I have three kids. My two year old played with a cardboard box all day on her birthday x You. Are. Amazing.

Oh lovey, they just want you. They don't need the things, they just need you. And they're at that age where it's so hard! You've got regular grown up stuff AND baby/toddler stuff x2. And that, no doubt, includes exhaustion.

I was never maternal. Hated the early years, felt like a total failure and completely bewildered by it all. And I'd had depression previously (to the extent of being hospitalised) and knew I probably had PND but resisted going to the GP as I didn't want to feel more of a "failure" if that makes sense, I should have gone, I can see that now!

Please don't feel guilty. You're doing your absolute bed and you love your kids, that is crystal clear, Things will get better, I'm sure, because they've got a Mum who loves them and gives them exactly what they need- love, cuddles, a roof, food, liquid and warmth. That's it. That's enough. You're enough

If you feel able, try and speak to someone. Do you have a partner? Family? Friends? What's your network like?

The greatest gift a child can have is it’s parents love. It doesn’t come gift wrapped with a bow.
You’re doing better than you think 💐

Oh honey, you really need to call your health visitor or doctor. Even your practice nurse if you feel more comfortable speaking to her.

As above poster said, anyone who talks about their children the way you do is an amazing mum and they definitely will not ever be better off without you. If anything not having you in their life could mess them up badly.

With regards to presents, do you have a Poundland near you? I found their bath toys/foam blocks/bubbles etc made great cheap presents for when my older two were tiny and I was on an extremely tight budget. Kids don’t need heaps of toys, just heaps of love and affection.

As a fellow stressed out/frustrated/constant guilt feeling mum to another, it gets easier. There is light at the end of the tunnel and living hour to hour is sometimes a hell of a lot easier than living day to day.

There has been so many times I’ve thought exactly the same as you, that my kids would be so much better off without me in their lives. Antidepressants helped a bit but acknowledging that I didn’t have to be the best mum ever helped more. I didn’t need to constantly entertain the kids, shower them in attention and be by their sides 24hrs a day and accepting that it’s ok to have crappy days.

The first 3 years are the hardest, it does get easier after that though. You’re doing just fine

Little ones dont care for big things.

My little one has been happiest playing with an empty bottle with lentils in it.

They need and want you. You love them and provide so that is enough.

You're putting yourself through an awful lot and it will pay off for you in the long run. Where you dont have to worry about these things.

Be bloody kind to yourself, you deserve it! 💐