Feel down want to get out

[camsey]

Hi i'm feeing quite low at the moment. I have 2 dcs close in age and feel like a full time carer. I'm really running low on energy and feel a little depressed. I decided to stay at home a while back because I didn't enjoy my job . I was ok with staying at home but I've just had enough.

I feel like I'm running through the motions like a zombie every day. Wake up - bottles - breakfast - etc. We go out everyday in the week to mother and toddler groups and pils have them one day a week so i can work. But i just feel like i do housework all day as well as work , there is just so much laundry to do etc.

I've applied for jobs in the field i was working in before but i don't know if i want to return to it - it's quite a difficult job dealing with people with mental health problems. Some are violent. I don't know if I have the stamina for it. I just need time to think but don't have the time to sit down and think. I feel like life is taking me down this road I don't want to go down.

My dp works full time as is busy. He comes home helps around the house and asks me if there's anything he would like me to do - I feel like the manager of the house. I want him to be like - I've done this for you etc.

Things around the house need doing and I can never find time for them. I feel like life is passing by and i'm just looking after the kids day in day out. Same routine on my own.

Anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on what I should do ? Thanks

Hi op. It sounds like your dc are very young. It is very hard at that stage but it does pass and gets infinitely better/more enjoyable.

The first thing I would do is go see your GP and tell your DH everything you said here.

Secondly not everyone is cut out to be a SAHP particularly in the early years when it is relentless.

Can you look at other jobs in fields you might be interested in? Even if it means low pay starting out.

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel like a failure you know - because I don't like to be a stay at home mum. My grandmother didn't work and my mum took a job around us type of job. I tried the same job and I was bored out of my mind.

I'm just going to have to make myself happy without worrying about other people's judgements. I do have a plan - to work my way up the ladder in my field (the higher you go the more admin) and then leave to go part time (carving out time to explore my actual interests). I was too busy living for my father when I was young. He wanted me to be a particular way and I rejected myself in order to do so.

I find being with young kids relentless. It's boring and physical and mental hard work. It's the hardest work I've ever had. And you are completely on your own during the day.

I don't want antidepressants from the doctor because I don't believe in them. I believe we get depressed because we need to sort something out in our lives.

It just feels so nice to have someone say honestly that the work is hard and not enjoyable.

Op, I was a bit like you. I’d always had a career, took maternity leave in my 40s and was very bored. Looking after dc took 10% of my day and then I was lonely & my friends were working. I’m just not a sahm.

the GP said I had pnd & gave me pills. I sat and looked at them, and realised I wasn’t depressed, I was unhappy - there’s a big difference. Pills went in the bin, I went back to work. Dc went to a child minder which he loved, plus he has a happy mum.
It’s the right solution for you. Ignore what other people think. You aren’t a failure.

It’s an opportunity to find a job that is a better fit for you.

In the short term (and I know you shouldn’t have to, but it may help get the ball rolling) write a list of the the things that need doing and pin it in the kitchen and DP can ‘see’ what needs to be done. I can totally Understand he may be blind to it as we all have different levels of focus

@Mintjulia thanks. I love them so much and thought I'd love being a sahm but I don't.

If it’s best for you, be a great mum and go to work.
My dm made a few snide comments about “what’s the point of having kids ...etc” but stopped when she saw ds was happy, I was happy and I could afford to provide better.

I found a lovely experienced childminder who I trusted and was close to work so I could get there quickly if an emergency. Good luck