depression/ relationship

[lizzy123]

have not done this before so apologies if sounds like I am rambling.....
I had a baby 19 months ago and from the monent I walked out of hospital my relationship with my husband changed. I felt in the early weeks that he was competing with me to look after the baby rather than supporting & working with me. I ended up & still feel very guarded towards him.
I do now think looking back that I had some degree of PND, but as I passed the questionnaire from the HV,I took it that I hadn't & I never mentioned it to anyone.
The constant low feelings lifted after about six months but I have been left with intermittent feelings of depression, rather like PMS but more frequent & much more severe. I seem to have withdrawn from seeing other people as when I do I end up compensating & being hyperactively happy-when inside I feel anxious & self conscious. I also get very angry but only express this to my other half. unfortunately this has resulted in daily arguements- culminating today with him leaving as he feels I have 'pushed him so far he could kill me'. But I feel so cold towards everyone except my baby that all I can think is 'sod you then'
My concerns are- is there such a thing as post-post natal depression?
Should i go to my GP & if so where would I start? Are there any other routes- I don't communicate well with my GP.
Or is this all about relationship breakdown & I am looking for an excuse in PND?

I'm not an expert in this area, but it does sound to me like some sort of depression, and I really think the GP is the place to start. If you don't want to talk to your particular GP, perhaps there is another one in the practice who you could see? I've lots of other thoughts about what you wrote, but have just deleted them as I really do think you need some medical advice first - even if to rule out depression.

after re reading what I wrote I do think I should go to the GP. when I feel OK i think it would be wasting her time but when I feel down I can't face up to going- but I know the advice is right & I will try to go this week.if it has built up over the past 19 months it won't all fix itself overnight-which is quite daunting. I also think my other half should seek advice as well- but i'll start with me!

well done Lizzy. You won't be wasting your GP's time, so GO! Make an appointment, and if you feel you can't face it on the day, come back on MN and we will help you get there! Let us know how you get on.

This is me to a T!

You won't regret going - I went last year, and it even improved my relationship with DH because i was being more rational (i was prescribed fluoxetine). I felt human again.

It's the first step to a better life - anger is definitely a sign of depression, I am off to a councellor tomorrow for the first time!

how are you doing Lizzy123?

This is exactly how I was- really identify with the hyperactive happy "front"- I was doing this at work. I couldn't face seeing anyone when off work. I felt like my dh was cause of everything and was being v angry all the time but now after nearly 2 weeks on citalopram(for first time) I feel so much better! Really love dh again and can argue rationally.
I really couldn't believe it was depression at first, because I was being hard on myself and that seemed like an easy excuse.
Now I feel better I can see it was not me at all- such a relief!
This has all just happened and my dd is 4.5 yrs old!!
It really does NOT matter whether it is pnd or just ordinary depression- the main thing is that you see the Gp and get help!