Teen daughter’s mental health

[Aarghhelpplease]

Hi,
My 16 year old daughter has an eating disorder and self harms. She is currently seeing a Cahms councillor and (I thought) was doing ok. Since finishing her GCSEs her mental health has spiralled. She has suicidal thoughts and struggles day to day. She tries so hard to follow all the advice from Cahms but she doesn’t seem to appreciate just how well she is doing. I found a note this morning saying that she doesn’t see herself being here at Christmas and I don’t know what to do. Any advice please.

Hugs to you OP
No advice sorry only keep talking and keep her busy.
Ask her what she would like to do.

Thanks mcmen71 I’ve read and read about the subject, my daughter has been advised to write down how she feels as a way of “getting rid” of the emotion as a result I am unsure as to whether this is her way of ridding herself of these thoughts or what she actually intends to do,

Have you asked her GP to check vitamin D levels, thyroid function and iron levels? If at all possible, ask GP to check levels of Strep bacteria and research PANDAS. Can you afford a private therapist, as in my experience, CAMHS are utterly shit.

She has had various blood tests and they came back ok. I will research PANDAS. My experience of Cahms has been positive but I am so out of my depth with this and she does appear to be spiralling. What would a private therapist be able to offer that is different?

I think I’ve completely messed up. My daughter randomly wanted my sons skipping rope in her bedroom. I didn’t think much of it but during dinner I had this awful feeling that she could use it to hurt herself. I got it from her (at this stage I didn’t tell her my concerns) but she got really angry. Eventually I told her my concerns I was very calm, but she has got very angry and upset, she has walked out saying that she wants nothing more to do with me. I have find my friends on my phone so I know where she is. She has done this once before and went on a long walk, but I don’t know what to do. She says she doesn’t want me at any of her medical appointments and she will do this on her own. What should I do.

ok. first I'm sending big hugs to you. I've been there. Always take suicidal talk seriously and good on you for taking the rope away. She's angry at you as you are the one person who she knows (deep down) will always be there for her(but getting so hard for you to keep going). Have you thought about seeing someone yourself? I'm a therapeutic practitioner in schools so I had to see a therapist as part of my wellbeing -but it was literally lifesaving for me when my own daughter was going through several crises. in terms of what to do - keep close to her. Keep communicating. Send her random texts telling her you love her and that you are there for her, when she is ready. Be interested in her - even if its just watching teen shite on the tv with her. Talk to her therapist to tell them what life is like at home for you both. Don't loose heart. Try and do a safety plan with her - maybe the therapist can help here? I did one with my daughter and it helped. Have u been offered family therapy - if not, please ask for this - your daughter is part of your family system so you can help her heal as a family. Good luck, I'll be think of you. Maeve xx

Thank you. She’s back now and in her room. She has a safety plan that we made with her councillor. She’s angry at me. I just said that all she had to say was “don’t be ridiculous “ and we could have talked. She has said she wants complete control of her food and shopping and cooking it. How on earth this would work I don’t know. I feel like she’s punishing me. I just hope it calms down tomorrow. Thanks

Hmm. There is a thing called 'controlled control'. Which is basically giving control of something ...but you have overall control...so with the food, could you agree a budget, how to share the kitchen, possibly cooking together? The only stipulation could be that what ever she has cooked, she eats with you at the table? Hard I know, and you might have to bite your tongue if she's not eating the amount of type of food you want her to eat. You might get to the stage when she could cook alongside you and maybe prep food together....but I imagine this might be some way off, but it might be a goal you could discuss together...or with the help of her counsellor. again good luck xx

My daughter is in strong recovery from AN and this is all horribly normal. Feel free to message me and I'll send you some links to good support groups and help. CAMHs can be good but they are behind the times in ED

@maevebride thank you for responding, I will try to discuss cooking together etc. At the moment she is saying that she will eat when she wants and what she wants and we can’t force her. It’s so hard it seems we go one step forward then 5 steps back.

Is she on any medications?

She isn’t currently on any medication but there is an appointment on Monday when anti depressants are going to be discussed. She doesn’t want me in the appointment but has agreed I can go in at the end to find out the decision.

I'll keep you all in mind. It's hard to keep the hope, but sometimes others have to keep that flame going ....you are too preoccupied to hold the flame, so let others (even strangers on the net!) hold if for you. I'll mind that flame till u are able to take it back. xx

Xx