Feeling really down and depressed lately. Had a lot of downs in my life. I nearly 30 , live at home , no partner and no job.
I have never had a good relationship.
I got bullied at school , but managed do to well academically, however my ill health and crap degree choice have left me totally lost. I've done crap job after crap job. I was such an unhappy child , I was taught everything is miserable and that happiness is for others.
I have tried to date, but get rejected a lot. I have found myself obsessed with a guy who rejected me for a relationship. I don't contact , but keep checking my phone to see if he will contact. I am not his type and i keep comparing myself to his ex. He didn't even treat me well and shouted and swore at me on our first date (!).
I try to be a nice person , no one would know I am chronically depressed, I am always smiling. I always help others out.
I am starting to feel hopeless, I usually bounce back , but I am so tired now . I am scared to take anti depressants but my mental health is so poor. I have had counselling previously , but it didn't help. What can I do ? I feel so abnormal.