How do I carry on living?

[Soxy2154]

My darling son passed away a week ago today suddenly in his sleep aged 17, how do i keep going? i feel so empty, so guilty so fucking angry i couldn't make him stay. everyone says it's early days and to take each day as it comes but i am in so much pain i don't think i can take another day off it.
i don't see any future without my child by my side, i feel like i'm in a nightmare that won't end. please help me

Soxy is there anyone IRL you can talk to? Call them immediately or The Samaritans. You are experiencing an understandable crisis and mustn't be alone.

I have wrote out five different messages to send you but I can't imagine any of it will come close to helping your pain. I'm just so fucking sorry this has happened to you, your family and your dearest son. It's the cruelest hand to be dealt and I guess, if I were you, I would hold on to what I think my son would want. I'm guessing your son wouldn't want his mum feeling so grief stricken and desperate. Your son is in your heart forever and tonight you are all in mine.
I will pray you find some comfort and strength to help you deal with this tragedy.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

I am so sorry. I have called the Samaritans in the middle of the long night before now, perhaps give them a call. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry.
I cannot begin to understand how bereft you are.
You have the right as a mother to all of those emotions.grief is a heavy load to carry. Be kind to yourself, loves never dies, just changes in the way we accept it.
I hope you can find some peace

I am so sorry. I am here and holding your hand.

Please reach out. Your pain is real and expected. Grief is a horrible feeling of loss of control. In my darkest days after losing both parents the same week, I called a bereavement helpline a few times. They can't make it better, but they can listen. Sometimes sharing the despair can help. You are not alone.

Oh you poor love. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but just try to hold on.
I'm not going to say you will feel better soon because I can't possibly know that, but you are precious.
I am thinking of you and praying for you.
I hope you have people around you who will support you through this darkness. xxxx

I am so sorry for your loss x

I don't have direct experience of such a loss but a friend of mine sadly has. She found The Compassionate Friends forum helped. It is for bereaved parents and their families.

www.tcf.org.uk/content/online-support-forum/

Hello OP,

We are so incredibly sorry to read about the loss of your son. We can't imagine the pain that you're going through right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

I am so so sorry - that is a pain that no parent should suffer. Just take one minute at a time.

Would it help to talk about your son?

Thank you for your words of comfort last night, I felt absolute despair, this morning not much better! I have an appointment with my gp this afternoon.
I can honestly say this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with, i feel like i'm loosing my mind sometimes and then I get a deep rooted panic that I am never going to see my son again and everything hits a peak.
i have no choice but to continue this miserable existence they call life, my son may be gone but my daughter still needs her mum.
I would do anything to turn back the clocks and protect my son like a mum should

I just cannot imagine the pain you are going through. But I know that you did protect your son - life deals out some shit at times, but it is absolutely not your fault. I hope that you and your DD both have loving people around you in real life, to give you some comfort and support at such a sad time.

Only those who have travelled the same path will truly be able to offer advice, and sadly I know there are a few on this board. Minmooch springs to mind - I often think of her and her DS.

Sending you love and best wishes at such a sad time for you.

I hope the GP appointment went well. As someone has said, this is the hardest path. Each day must feel so long. Do you have friends or family you can talk to?