My therapist has dropped me **Title edited by MNHQ**

[MoggTheCat]

My absolutely lovely therapist of two and a half years has just told me she feels she is no longer the best person to help me. I’m totally heartbroken and beyond devastated. She is the only person in my life who has ever made me feel good about myself. Her appointments are the highlight of my week and she has been such a massive source of support to me. I have no idea how to face the rest of my life without her. The problems I was seeing her for have reached a really crucial point and I am trying to manage those on my own as well as grieve for the loss of our therapeutic relationship. Without her I am nothing and the thought of walking out of her therapy room for the last time and never seeing her again absolutely terrifies me. Please help.

Have you talked about what happens when you stop seeing her? I’m sure she’ll recommend someone to help.

If you think you might hurt yourself, there are places you can seek immediate help, such as a and e or the Samaritans.

I mean this in the kindest way but...do you think some professional client/therapist lines have been blurred which has led to her encouraging you to see someone else? You seem very attached her. It may seem like the rug has been pulled but I’m sure she’s acting in your best interests. Your extreme reaction to this news speaks volumes. ((Hugs)) and please seek help elsewhere

didn't want to read and run, OP. You are not nothing. Just because she's not able to help you anymore doesn't mean you won't find someone who can- I know it's hard and scary to build a relationship with a new therapist but it might be an opportunity to break through some of the issues you've been struggling with.

Please call the Samaritans if you're feeling suicidal, or go to A&E/reach out to your local crisis team if you're in touch with them

She hasn't dropped you, it's unsustainable for her to keep counselling you with the intensity of your feeling a towards her though. She is there to help you rely on yourself, not her.

Has she recommended about her therapist? I would email and ask her to suggest someone.

If you're genuinely feeling this awful tonight please contact the Samaritans and talk it through as I suspect this thread will be deleted.

Has she recommended someone else?

I'm sorry this has happened and completely understand why you feel bereft however as a professional she must judge when she is unable to help you even if you find her sessions uplifting.

Please call the Samaritans if you feel suicidal. You could also make an appointment with your GP for tomorrow or ASAP.

I'm really sorry you feel this

Good therapists never let this kind of dependency evolve and pull away much quicker. I'm afraid she hasn't been a great therapist letting you, as a person in need, become so attached

It may feel terrible now for you, but this is a good thing in the long run. You must never feel you are nothing without your therapist, that is not what they are there for

Head up and try and remember what you are capable of without your therapist

Really sorry you are feeling this way, but it does sound as if you are fixated on her which she has picked up on and perhaps feels like the sessions are about your 'relationship' rather than the original issues? Has she said she won't see you again or has she suggested a few winding down sessions before she stops?

I'm so sorry, op. So much of the value of therapy comes from the therapeutic relationship you build, but that makes its ending very hard.

You don't have to make decisions right now, feeling like this. Just focus on finding a way to bear the grief, because it won't always feel this intense. You can ride this out, day by day or hour by hour or minute or minute if necessary.

All the ways she's helped you will always stay with you, even when you're not seeing her anymore. The way she made you feel when she was helping you will stay with you, and you can continue to revisit that when you need to even though you won't be able to revisit her.

Is there a plan in place for the work you were doing that's at a crucial point?

You will get through this. You have the strength. Take a day at a time and try to find alternative support.

Good therapists never let this kind of dependency evolve and pull away much quicker. I'm afraid she hasn't been a great therapist letting you, as a person in need, become so attached

You may feel like she’s the only person in the world to be there for you and to be able to help you, but that itself shows that she’s just managed to get the relationship on a very productive footing, or help you build up your own self esteem over these last two and a half years. When you start working with someone else you may quite quickly realise you don’t need to feel that desperate clinging onto someone type of sensation.

@MoggTheCat

You have already done something good to help yourself by posting here for advice. You have received some good advice (eg ask your therapist for a recommendation, or your GP, or call the Samaritans).

Please, follow some or all of that advice. You matter.

Hi,OP, did you post about your therapist ending with you recently? You don’t mention whether she offered to taper off your sessions and end gradually. After 2.5 years that would be one way to help this not feel such an abrupt loss. Has she suggested you might see her for a review at some stage? Therapy, When it works well, is a profound relationship of often deeper intimacy than we have with some friends and loved ones. It can be intense. Having strong feelings of attachment to your therapist is normal, especially when you have taken time to evolve trust. If you have not experienced many safe and trusting attachments in your life, this will be especially important to you. Could you contact her and ask her about working with you for a short piece of work specifically to address the ending? Empathic connection is real and therapists feel it too; it’s poignant because the therapeutic relationship with a client has to remain what it is and not become friendship.

Have you asked her to clarify, and where you should look for this other help?

You’ve obviously blurred the lines of the professional relationship . There will be someone else who will help you but you need to help yourself first . No one not even this wonderful therapist can do that for you .

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We've moved this thread to the Mental Health section.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I have found your responses really helpful. My therapist has suggested another therapist for me to try and I have made an appointment for an assessment with her on Thursday. I have emailed the Samaritans but may try phoning them instead. I’ve also seen my doctor and they have referred me back to the mental health team but there is a three month waiting list. You are all correct that I have become too attached and overly dependent. The logical bit of me knows that it is the right thing to do in the long run. As the focus has become about my attachment to her rather than the issues I first sought help with. My therapist has offered me three final sessions to work on an ending. So I am hoping to find some closure during those. Thank you for your kindness, it means a lot.

OP I have a lot of developmental trauma and forming a very strong attachment is something I've always done. It's perfectly normal and biologically programmed in babies to form attachments. But it's something you need to work with a capable therapist and they do exist. Because I was so dependent on my therapist it let me become more independent.

I hope your new session goes well!

I have relied on my therapists at times very much. It happens. I don't really see why she feels you need to stop the therapy if there is still work to do - unless your attachment is stopping the work. I really feel for you good luck x