I'm not sure what I aim to achieve by posting this, I just feel like I need to vent really, but if anyone else can relate then it would be nice to hear from them. It's going to be long and probably quite disjointed, sorry.
I've had a diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder since I was a teenager (10-12 years ago). I obsess about things like losing my job, occasionally my health or that of my family, or (the biggest one) that my house has some major problem. I've been through episodes of "dry rot", "subsidence" and "damp" (it's not even an old house!!). I've had periods of being hell-bent on moving, even though this house is perfect for us, but DH rightly says that I'll only come up with worries about the next house as well. Renting would be terrible for me because I couldn't deal with the uncertainty. We don't have money worries so it's not about that. After much analysing of the different things I've worried about over the years, I've discovered that it's always things that could be disruptive to my way of life and somehow cause loss of security. I can identify exactly where this came from in my childhood and I know where it all started.
The worries don't exactly come out of nowhere, there is always a grain of rationality in them. For example, there really were tiny cracks when I thought we had subsidence, but literally hairline ones. I just blow everything massively out of proportion and assume the very worst.
The anxiety comes in cycles and I've tried everything you can think of to combat it, short of medication, which I've always been very reluctant to try. I saw my previous GP about 8 years ago and they sent me on a CBT course, but I didn't find it helpful at all. Since then I've tried things like self-help books, mindfulness, aromatherapy, creating "anxiety packs" where I write down why certain worries are irrational, etc etc etc. Nothing has seemed to help if I'm honest, and the better periods don't really coincide with any particular intervention.
Last year I somehow had nearly a whole year where I felt amazingly relaxed and worry-free. I would almost go as far as to say that I felt "liberated" after feeling weighed down for so long. DH and I decided it was time to try for a baby, which we'd wanted for a long time, but never did because of my anxiety.
I am now lucky enough to be 6 weeks pregnant, but suddenly the anxiety is back with a vengeance. Strangely, it started about a month ago, so at that time I had no idea that I was pregnant. Perhaps to do with the surge in hormones from when we conceived onwards? It makes me feel very guilty to admit that my worries are not to do with the pregnancy, my health or my family, they are still to do with my bloody house 
When I get into these cycles I literally don't have a moment where I am free of the worry. From the second I open my eyes in the morning to closing them at night, I have this awful knot it my stomach and the sense of doom. I am constantly seeking reassurance which must be extremely tiresome for those around me. DH in particular is absolutely wonderful; he took me on three date nights last week to keep me distracted with nice things! But throughout the whole time I had that knot in my stomach and the feeling of un-ease. I can't enjoy anything when I feel like this... and the worst bit is, it's now totally ruining the joy of finding out about the pregnancy! How can I be obsessed that my house is falling down when I've just conceived my first baby?!
I am going to see my current GP next week, but he will probably think I'm totally irresponsible to get pregnant before sorting myself out properly
Anyway I better get ready for work now (before I am late for work, lose my job, get into mortgage arrears and end up homeless with a newborn baby..... Welcome to my brain 
)
Thank you for listening