Anxiety

[bonitakitlee]

I have had anxiety on and off for many years, this bout seems to be particularly bad and has been hanging around a few months. I have a long list of things I do to help, none of which seems to be working this time, mindfulness meditation just overwhelms me and makes me cry.

It would be so helpful to know your coping strategies so I can give them a try. I have tried talking to friends, but the subject is clearly brushed off so I know not to go there. I don't have any family apart from Dh and am feeling lonely and isolated. I don't take prescribed medication, but am taking St Johns Wort.

I'm going through a strong bout of anxiety at the moment too.

What is helping (not curing) is making sure I get a good night sleep. To do this I use either Nytol which normally works, or if I'm in a particularly bad state and really need need to force some sleep, I take some Mirtazapine (an anti depressant) which knocks me out cold within an hour.

Once I've got sleep sorted, I make sure I'm busy and give myself goals and tasks, = mow the lawn, wash the car, polish my shoes, cook a meal and freeze it etc as I find that if I'm idle, my mind races and intrusive thoughts take over.

I also try to exercise, however I've recently discovered that over doing it can make my anxiety worse. If I'm on the cross trainer or lifting weights for instance and absolutely go for it, as if by reaching a person best will somehow rid me of my anxiety, I feel so spend and exhausted, that it leaves me emotionally weak and vulnerable, so instead I take longer, more moderate exercise, such a gentle bike ride, a walk in the woods, or round the local park.

I find being in the fresh air, outside and especially if I can be around nature really helps to sooth my soul.

Tonight I went for a long walk in the setting sun along our local beach (I appreciate not everyone has a beach close by) and I felt much calmer when I returned.

I also find being around animals helps.

I make sure I don't drink any caffeine after 8pm and have started to drink herbals teas - there's a Twinings 'Sleep' variety which I drink as my last drink of the day around 10pm which whether placebo or not, helps me relax.

I also like to try and read a book if my anxiety is moderate enough for me to be able to concentrate (if it's too bad I jut read the same line over and over as I can't focus). I like a good thriller, one that is gripping and takes you away from your troubles.

I also try to reiterate to myself - this too will pass, you will move on to something else and this worry, trouble or issue that is causing distress will sort itself out one way or the other and the passing of time will diminish its grip on you - only helpful if there is a specific stressor causing the anxiety.

I also try to remind myself that there are other people in far worse situations and to try and rationalise and keep things in perspective, not that it always works.

My anxiety often stems from either being under pressure, or out of control of a situation that is important to me. To counter this I try to work out exit strategies, then plan for the worst and hope for the best.

A relative once said to me in time of anxiety or crisis "be kind to myself", and permit yourself a little cry, or a treat, or some other activity that may ease the symptoms, within reason.

This might sound daft but here goes...

Whenever my anxiety is bad I tend to fixate on 'what ifs' and there's a lot of catastrophising/ black and white thinking. I think it's helpful first to take a step back and identify a 'thinking error' when one rears it's head. What helps me next (only sometimes, but better than nothing!) is to think 'so what if that bad thing happens...I don't care'. It's funny because I get so worked up about 'what ifs' etc, but sometimes just saying aloud that I wouldn't care if xyz happened makes me feel like a weight has been lifted! I guess it's down to perspective and how you frame things, but it makes me realise that feeling anxious is not the way I have to feel and when I'm in control of my thoughts I feel more in control in general.

@babysnowman Your post resonates hugely, especially the catastrophising. I agree, part of taking control is to change the avoidant mind set and to force yourself to approach, rather than to retreat - easier said than done.

Working through the worst case scenario and planning how you'd cope is a definite strategy. Once you can come to terms with the worst case, the more likely better case becomes far less daunting.

Thank you so much for those tips. I also find animals very calming to be around. I am easily triggered by not having any family, so when I see lovely family groups, it can start the thoughts whirling and then the physical symptoms hit. I met my dh late in life and had a miscarriage, so no children and neither my dh or myself had functional or loving family of origin, so the loneliness is a huge trigger. I hope we all can find some peace of mind.

@bonitakitlee Another thing I try to do is to make someone else happy. Do something for your DH for example, focusing on his needs and going out of your way to put a smile on his face can help.

Some people find volunteering can really help them balance anxiety and keep problems in perspective.

As counter intuitive as it may seem, when you need it most, often turning your attention to someone else can be very soothing.