Anxiety and unsupportive people around me

[MajorMalfunction]

I have been struggling with my anxiety for over 4 years now and I need some advice on how to move forward

I have 1 dc and after the birth i developed what can only be described as like an anxiety type psychosis, I was very mentally poorly for a good 17 months and was completely disconnected from myself and everything around me

My partner was very unsupportive and told me to get myself medicated as he couldn't deal with me, visiting my GP they said i had to follow a pathway which involved CBT first, as I live rurally and at the time didn't drive, i was reliant on him to give me a lift, which I understand is frustrating, during these all he did was scream and shout at me, about how useless a mum I am and how he is lumbered with the baby
This I now see, I should have left him, I had no family support and his parents were there to support him and said they would take my child if they felt they needed too
this really scared me as I felt it was 3 against 1

Needless to say CBT did absolutely nothing, I paid for private sessions and groups, therapy and still no help
I spoke to my GP again who refused to prescribe me medication.
I gradually got abit better when my baby was 17months old, enough to function I would say
I decided to stay as I thought it would be best for the baby, to be in a 'nuclear' family
this was ridiculous which I see now
There have been more incidents in which I felt really alone and sometimes taken complete advantage of
E. g I work 2 jobs as he is a creative type and top up his income even though he could earn more and relieve the pressure somewhat

the baby is now 4 but my anxiety still cripples me, there are days I feel I can't get out of bed but my mind races and I can't eat or sleep I panic, and this is pretty much every day
I have thought about moving to be nearer my family as they live quite far, for abit of support for myself but I couldn't bring myself to split the family up

i hope this makes sense as I can't seem to right now

First things first is sleep. You mention you are struggling to sleep?

I have found this - nothing worse than staring at the ceiling all through the night, unable to sleep because you feel sick with fear and your heart is pounding out of your chest.

I eventually went to see the Doctor and told them that I hadn't slept in 3 days and was not able to function anymore (this was true). Theu prescribed me Zimovane which was a miracle drug -1 pill and 30 mins later I was asleep for at least 6 hours. This broke the cycle and got me sleeping again.

I then went on to Mirtazapine which was also great for sleeping and chilled me right out, although I was in somewhat of a zombie state whilst on it.

Once I got the sleep thing sorted, I was more able to rationally prioritise and deal with the other areas of my life that I couldn't factor when I was so sleep deprived and in a constant state fo anxiety and panic.

At my worst, I was pacing up and down the length of our garden for 3 hours in the rain in my bare feet, trying to write lists on soggy paper like I'd lost my mind.

It's so hard when you're suffering with anxiety and panic as you simply cannot put things into a sense of proportionality - everything is the end of the world and will destroy the rest of your life, and you MUSTY make this decision or overcome that obstacle or whatever it is otherwise your life will be in limbo forever.

At least that's how it impacts me.

TedStryker

Thank you so much for your reply, I'm sorry to hear you struggled too, it is absolutely awful
sleep is a big issue, I just can't switch off
and you are right, it feels like being in limbo all the time, nothing seems to fit into place if that makes sense

i see things need to change but my GP just doesn't seem to want to help me

Thank you again for your reply

Could you see another Gp at the pratice? Are you asserting enough tell it as it is
If you manage to get ad’s
You will get start up side effects just to warn you, this can be anything from insomnia heighten anxiety, nausea to name a few.

What about trying something herbal for anxiety.

You need support, and he is taking advantage of you !
Why should you do 2 jobs to top up, he should be supporting you!
He sounds lazy and controlling, you and ds deserve better.

Try googling mh help in your area, places like mind, do lots of things free.

If your mum would have you back at home until your in a better place, I’d go.
You will never get support from him or his family they sound like bullies.

Sorry, if it’s not what you want to hear