I posted this on the pregnancy threads last night but wondered if this might be a better place to put it:
Hello, I’m 14 weeks pregnant (this is my first pregnancy). I’m 29 and am finding the emotional side of pregnancy really difficult to cope with. I was raped 15 years ago and it absolutely wrecked my life and since then I have had 3 major breakdowns and have had bouts of severe depression. I have spent my late teens and twenties being looked after and I really haven’t had much life experience (I work part time but have struggled to do anything else). I got married last year and my husband is so lovely and I can really talk to him about anything, but I want him to be my husband and not my therapist (if that makes sense) so whilst I tell him how I’m feeling I don’t go into too much detail. I feel really ill prepared to be a parent, I know this is selfish but I still really want a life of my own. I have not been on holiday since I was 16 and I’ve had no hobbies or interests since my teens. I’ve spent so much of my life being so deeply disturbed and unhappy that I don’t know if I will be able to raise a child healthily. I have quite extreme nightmares and still have intense crying episodes where I will cry for at least 3 hours constantly and I don’t know how a baby can possibly fit into this. To be honest I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, I think I just need to get it off my chest. Thank you for listening x