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Mental health

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5 replies

goldpendant · 11/07/2019 13:52

Ok this is me these days....

  • drifting, I start something (a job, house project, etc) then quickly lose interest and want to do something else entirely
  • guilty, I'm not doing my job well nor being a particularly present parent. It's not that I can't do my job, but I can't muster the enthusiasm. I waste time, procrastinating
  • imposter, I can make out like I'm busy, like I know what I'm doing, that I'm successful. But then I feel crippled by how little I actually am doing. I spend too much time planning pet projects and browsing the web.
  • out of my depth, constantly at work I feel like I've had two rounds of maternity leave and all of a sudden there's a whole new sector jargon that I don't understand and I don't want to learn.
  • I feel like I need a brand new start. I was recently given one but already I'm feeling all of the above feelings towards it.

I have two young DC, a DH who works overseas. It's hard. I had s breakdown 9 months ago which I'd say I'm coming out of, I've gone back to work, but I feel like I'm only operating at half capacity.

Does this make sense to anyone? I don't feel depressed, just, urgh.

OP posts:
Limensoda · 11/07/2019 17:54

I'm very similar but always have been that way. I have probably been mildly depressed for many years.
I think you change after a breakdown. Perhaps counselling or psychotherapy would help you sort out who you want to be rather than who you were...or trying to be?

goldpendant · 11/07/2019 19:58

Thanks for replying. I feel like it's since the breakdown, and the kids, they've changed me too. I used to have so much drive, now I've got none. I'd like to happily accept that, be a SAHM, but then I try that, feel miserable and miss working, then guilt, then repeat.

Day to day I'm happy and fairly breezy but I feel like I'm waiting for the rest of my life to begin. How awful does that sound?

OP posts:
clairethewitch70 · 11/07/2019 20:01

Imposter Syndrome?

goldpendant · 11/07/2019 20:03

I've heard of it.... is it a real thing though, can it make someone feel so useless?

OP posts:
Limensoda · 12/07/2019 07:56

I have been waiting for my life to begin forever. You have to make it begin, it doesn't just happen. I've only just learned that and I'm 65!

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