Fear of the next crisis

[user1470132907]

I would welcome some perspectives of others with mental illness on how to deal with my fear of the next mental health crisis.

I am currently hospitalized with severe anxiety and depression - my second admission in 3 months. I have had the same mental health problems since I was 14, but this is the worst I’ve been (I’m now 39).

I was hospitalized the first time after I started having severe anxiety attacks about the anxiety and depression. This sends me into a spiral of terror that that these feelings will never stop and that, therefore, taking my life is the only option. A similar crisis brought me back to hospital the second time.

Hospital has identified that until I feel I have control over this fear, it will be very hard for me to engage with other treatments like CBT. They have given me some advice on breathing and grounding techniques. They seem promising but it is still early days. I have diazepam and chlorpromazine I can take when needed, but they are not much help as anxiety breaks through very quickly, before I can get a handle on it. I have tried regular quetiapine but it made me actively suicidal.

I know, rationally, that the fear of the fear is self-perpetuating. I also know I won’t get a handle on this overnight. I also know that, with my track record, even when I get through this spell, I may get very ill again in future. I am really not sure I can do this again, as ungrateful as that sounds.

I had cancer when younger and this feels like fear of relapse, but times a million. I feel like the very next breath is when my whole world could end.

Before, I always had confidence I would recover from the current bad mental health episode, and never thought to what happened after. I never had this fear of the future bad episodes. Is it a sign of age, or being a mother?

I have a lot of good days between my crises, which is which I have persevered.

Any advice very welcome!

I’m a long term anxiety suffer with depression.
I’m 61 now and suffered since 25.
So I get exactly what your taking about, although never hospitalised
Not for the wanting to, as it’s such a scary feeling not being in control.
Like you I have on/off times, it’s like a life sentence isn’t it.
I’m sorry but I unfortunately don’t have a answer with how you can deal with the fear of another episode
I’d love to be able to not feel the fear of when it goes in overdrive!

I take venlafaxine and daily diazepam, it’s the diazepam that really helps me to engage, the venlafaxine probably as helped the depression side but not anxiety.
Anxiety and depression come hand in hand, I think we don’t see an end to our anxiety symptoms that after so long we get deeper into depression

What mh of diazepam have they given you? Seem weird after all the years you’ve only been on one AD,?is that you not wanting to.

Your very lucky in a sad way to to offered a bed twice in 3 mths, do you live out in the sticks with its own hospital 😀

I’ve done
Psych
Psychologist
Counselling
Cbt (to poorly to engage)
Mh courses
CAT therapy

I still suffer, BUT your a lot younger so hopefully you may find a therapy that you can click with and it works for you when out into practice

Thanks for responding, Granada. Yup, I’ve been very lucky with hospital!

I’m currently on 40mg Citalopram and 30mg mirtazapine. I am allowed to take 5mg diazepam at least 4 hrs apart, but not daily. I’ve previously had paroxetine (good but pooped out), Venlafaxine (had to come off as neurological issues) and trazodone (helped me sleep for first few days but wore off fast).

I’m only on 2mg daily occasionally if I can’t control it I’ll take another 2mg.

Are you under secondary mh care? Accept what’s on offer to you regarding help (don’t mean meds)
Is there anything going on in the hospital therapy wise? I get what you say when your to poorly to engage. Something like relax sensation classes, yoga, breathing classes just something lite.

Are you managing to eat? With me that’s the first thing that goes.

Don’t know where in the Uk? You are but there’s currently a trial on in 4 nhs hospital for rtms (look it up) it’s for depression & anxiety.
Unfortunately it’s nowhere near me😒 or I’d do it.
To pay for it private it cost 3k for 20 sessions, you have to go every day for 4-6 weeks for 30 min treatment. So the near the hospital the better.
You maybe interested

Also if you can get the book The Panic Switch by Jeffrey L Hammes
He’s a former anxiety suffer and takes sense.
You can find his forum on line panicend

Hi Granada, thanks for coming back again.

I’m not under secondary care so far - discharge to nothing the first time - but apparently I will get a CPN and psychologist time this time when I’m discharged.

We do art therapy and relaxation in hospital, plus some walks, which do find helps; I’m also practising mindful breathing on my own.

That’s good you usually only need the 2mg; for a long time, the odd 2mg was all I needed, but the panic seems to have really escalated during this bad spell.

I am going to chat with my doc about ECT on Friday so I will tell you what he says. The TMS sounds amazing; I’m in a big city where it’s available privately but not sure if there’s a trial here.

I will let you know how I get on with all the above, especially if I find something that works!

These are the hospitals doing nhs trials tms, don’t know if any close to you
Northampton’s Berrywood Hospital, Newcastle’s St Nicholas’s Hospital, Nottinghamshire’s Millbrook Mental Health Unit at Queen Medical Centre, and St Pancras Hospital in London are all currently recruiting patients for the study, which will roll out between now and the new year.

Think I’d try this rather than ECT, but that me!

Hope you have seen a slight improvement, sometimes when we’re getting treatment/talking to mh people we feel slightly better sometimes. Sometimes when really down down we think oh f... off, you don’t know what it feels like.
Are you allowed out on your own? Or home visit?
Do you know how long how long you will be in for?

You seem positive at mo,?keep that up and you’ll soon be out. X