How to stop crying and getting so overwhelmed?!

[Ploddingonby]

I have been struggling with my mental health for quite some time but it’s really been allot worse over the last 10 months or so.
I’m trying very hard to work on it and there have been allot of ups and downs in my relationship over the time. We have had a lot of ups and downs in almost 4 years but particularly so in the last 10 months but I think we are starting to get to a happy place again now and I’m finally starting to feel a bit better within myself.
My issue is that when something happens for me it’s usually massive. I can’t seem to deal with things very well and it usually ends In wishing I could die as living seems too difficult when I can’t control my emotions.
Allot of the time the trigger can be that I don’t feel loved, accepted or understood in my relationship. Not always all together but my partner isn’t an emotional person and finds me very hard to deal with when I want to talk about how I feel but I just long so much for a deep connection.
I just wondered if anyone else has had issues with crying before, it’s like I can’t stop myself crying when I talk about my feelings and everything becomes so overwhelming that I can’t stop and then when we’ve spoken and I’ve managed to compose myself I feel ridiculous and angry at myself for not being able to have a conversation without being an emotional mess!
I love my partner so very much but fear that this will ruin things between us if I don’t get a grip on it soon!

Is this about your MH or a difficult partner?

I’m in a similarly sinking boat regarding my mental health, absolutely can’t cope with any kind of stress whatsoever. Crying and feeling suicidal at some point most days. Life is bloody hard isn’t it?

I’m glad to say I’m not in a relationship though. All my previous boyfriends thought they were doing a me a massive favour going out with me and putting up with my depression. If I had the nerve to express how (terrible) I was feeling, they would get upset and blame me for bringing their mood down. So right I’m responsible for my own feelings AND theirs. And also them using it as a reason/excuse not to commit, but being devastated when I dumped them. Wankers.

Sorry I’m no help! Hugs.

I am in a stable relationship but I am the same. I am a total mess at the moment.

What kind of things happen that trigger the crying? Are they rational or irrational?

What kind of professional support/therapy/medication?

Previous posters! People! You all sound really down! Please do make an appointment with your GP and seek help. And seek counselling. Some areas are quite good with access to counselling services. Around me there is nothing but massive waiting lists that never seem to get close to an appointment. So if you can afford it, go privately.

Can you give a couple of examples of the type of things you are 'overreacting' to?

Do you feel like you're overreacting or is someone else telling you that you are?

As an example, when I was rock bottom I once ended up properly snotty crying because I couldn't get the lid off a new jar of mayonnaise. If I couldn't even do that I was clearly a failure in life as a whole etc etc.

My issue is that when something happens for me it’s usually massive.

I think you've answered your own question there, OP. The person I know who feels like you has absolutely no sense of proportion, everything is a major drama and personally targeted at them. Other never make mistakes, they take deliberate action against them! It is ridiculous, untrue and very wearing to deal with - for them as well, they find it exhausting but can't seem to break the cycle.

Unfortunately, I don't have the answer either! We all need support from time to time but not necessarily from one single person. OP, I think you need to talk to someone other than your partner, do you get any help from your GP or any source at the moment?

You've had some good advice. One thing I really notice in your post is that it contains quite a bit of self-judgement. Like, perhaps you are over-reacting, but crying when you are in an emotional conversation isn't actually a problem. The issue is the harsh attack on yourself following the emotional release when you felt really sad. And if you have a partner who doesn't mirror any of your emotion you are bound to feel like your reaction is too big. But that is once again a judgement. So it really might be worth taking all of that to therapy and trying to unpick some of it. It might help. It is ok to cry though, I wonder if we are slightly forgetting that as a whole.

My wife left me abruptly 2 years ago. I’m very down today/this week. Basically been in bed when not at work

Sorry to hear that @SingleDadReally. Do you have any support in real life that you can talk to about how you feel? Has anything triggered how you are feeling at the moment? That sounds really tough and sometimes we do just need to hide away.

Thanks. I saw my wife a couple of weeks ago in relation to something being done by our son. At about the same time she left me I also had to change my job. It’s much more chaotic than my previous post and I’m not really on top of it. My wife is in her boss’s flat. I’m trying to keep the house going on one salary and support our son at university and ensure there’s a secure familiar home for him to come home to, but the feeling of humiliation is sometimes overwhelming.

There's nothing bad about crying when you talk about your feelings. It's good for you.
I'm the same. I've never been an outwardly emotional person and I hold everything in, so I think when I DO talk about my feelings, the build up is released by crying.
I also cry when I'm angry.
Talk to a counsellor rather than your partner for now.

OP have you read the symptoms of bpd? Not wanting to be dramatic but a lot you said I can really identify with. I don't have a diagnosis but am waiting for one.

I have to say I’ve realised in the last 20 months since my wife left me (came home to find a dark house with the curtains open, her bike not there as I put mine away, her poetry book shelf empty and a note on the kitchen table saying “I have left, I don’t love you anymore and I don’t want to keep pretending”) it’s possible to get into a learned BPD. When I’m up and feel okay I go absolutely mental doing things around the house, because I know a down phase is coming where I’lol be just about feed myself and turn up to work washed and shaved only a bit late.