Need talk

[mistykins]

Hello
This is first post here, although I have been reading for a while but not brave enough to post.
I've had. Depression and anxiety on and off most of my life. I'm 40 now. Things had been getting on top of me for a while.. I'm a mother of four.. my children have SEN. My daughters mental health declined and we had a very difficult time, also, a member of the family was diagnosed with cancer and passed away quickly.
Last year my depression is got too big to hide and I had to stop work. My gp was very helpful and referred me to the mental health team. However I had to wait a long time. And even when I saw then they were very unhelpful. I didn't get antidepressants tillll 8 months. All the time it got worse. My eating problems came back and I lost a lot of weight. The suicidal feelings of got too strong. I was admitted to hospital for three weeks and put on paroxitine.. this took away the suicdall thoughts. But the side effects were bad, I could not concentrate and felt numb, which doesn't sound bad but i don't want to spend all my life in a daze. The psychiatrist wouldn't change the ADs and added aglomelatime.

My GP let me move onto escilatapram, a med that helped in the past but I only came off it in November and the withdrawals were horrible.

I keep crying all the time. I. Feel so sad and low.
Also since I came home from. The hospital I'm struggling to leave the house. I can't go out on my own. I start to panic. Even when I'm with someone I still can't go very far and I get the urge to get home.
I saw a private psychologist last year and it was expensive but helped. I did plan on seeing a new counsellor but I had to cancel as I couldn't get there also it's a lot of money and I don't work.

I feel like I'm going mad. I can't be around people, I get so scared. I can't get out the house which is really embarrassing also isolating. I don't see anyone and I've no independence.

Has anyone been in this situation and recovered? I've tried lots of things and have a few books but I feel like I've hit a wall and can't see any way of getting better.

Also, my teenage daughter is hard work and my other children need cared for all the time.

The ,metal health team are bad so no support from them.

Thanks

If your children have SEN, is there a chance that you might have similar issues, albeit undiagnosed?

Hello
Yes I have a lot of autistic traits and my children's nurse recommended an assessment. I was told I could have one but they have been mucking me about so much I don't have much hope.
Also, as a child I had selective mutism and didn't interact with other children till I was a bit older. I struggle with social skills, have no friends and feel like I have learned how to act, I have a script to use but it's never natural. I can't seem to do it anymore though. It's too hard. I get in aa state passing people on the pavement, and walking beside roads.. I've made myself really isolated and it doesn't bother me but I know I can't hide away for ever. I can't see how to fix it though.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Can you try and push for that assessment...it might open up some more support for you.

Sound like coming of the cipralex hasn’t helped you, this happens quite a lot when people think there better and want to come off the ad. It doesn’t matter sometimes if it’s done slowly or not. It’s a frightening thought.
That’s shocking how you were treated.
If you were admitted to hospital why was the support not there after?
If you were under a psych, we’re you not under secondary care mh team.
3 weeks isn’t a long time for a new ad, it’s usually about 6-8 weeks
And they all have there se till they kick in and you get used to them.

Are you a person that will speak up for yourself? As I think with mh services being so unfunded, you really need to be forceful with what you need.

I have been where you are (no hospital intake) under secondary mh care.
It is so frightening beyond belief isn’t it.
I lost a lot of weight, food was so hard to eat the thought of it the nausea ughhh
I too was scared of going out, in fact I was scared of myself
I couldn’t even see family, I cut myself off completely. I was so scared of the feelings and panic I felt.
It literally took me months and months ( but we’re all different)

I’m still not panic/anxiety free, I don’t think I will be. I think this is me
I can get out now, not always anxiety free.

Are you are still under mh team,
Are you primary or secondary care?
You need to tell them in strong words how worse and debilitating you’ve become and you need help desperately asap

I know you probably already have done this etc, but just to say I know exactly what your talking about

Hello
Thank you so much for the replies.
My iPad is playing up so sorry if I wrote anything wrong. I started the paroxetine in March so three months ago. I do think it helped but I felt like I was in such a haze all the time. It could be an advantage though because if something upset me then I would forget quite quickly. I think the trouble is I've gone from being numb to feeling everything and it's made me so sad.
No I'm not someone who can speak up for myself. I was treated appallingly by the cpn. My sister was there luckily so also witnessed it. I wanted to make a complete but chickened our.

After the admission I was told I would see the psychiatrist after 4to 6 weeks but we had to fight for this when they didn't send me an appointment. In the end the gp had to get in touch. I don't find the psychiatrist particularly helpful.
There really isn't any other support. I had been seeing my gp weekly but he has just left.
My head is always so busy, I'm trying f to learn to control it but can't. I get stuck on something and go over and over.
I have put weight back on which has been a struggle. I hate that I have but I also know I can't function at such a low weight but it is a constant battle. My BMI is just back in the healthy range but I feel enormous.
I really have no motivation to change anything. It really is like hitting a wall.

It's hard even to explain what I'm scared off, the jock makes it harder. It is quite embarrassing though and I feel like I've lost my independence.