Overwhelming Does thinking how you feel heighten your anxiety and you feel less motivated

[granadagirl]

Long time suffer of high anxiety/depression
To the point I had to give up work 14 yrs ago it got that bad

Fast forward and I still get days off feeling flat with no motivation, think of things to do but got no push to do it.
Like anxiety holding me back, but flat with it.
I’m on 225mg venlafaxine and 2mg diazepam everyday
Some days are better than others and evenings are better past 6pm. Think that’s when I feel most relaxed because I don’t have to push myself to do anything or go anywhere

I just wish I had enthusiasm motivation to do things.
I’ll start something thinking get stuck in, but whilst I’m doing it
I get waves off flatness and the thinking starts why can’t I enjoy doing things anymore.
I’m 61 and mood & anxiety is spoiling my life, it should be good times supposedly in retirement !!
I just get up and think, what can I manage today, so wanting to do something but holding back

40 yrs of anxiety, not a life.

Anyone else with chronic anxiety/depression???
Any ideas

As I’ve said I’ve had it 40 yrs!!!!
Obviously not all the time but the times it’s come back it’s taken over me, so frightening

So as you can imagine I’ve had lots of therapy over the years
Psych
Psychologist
Counselling
Hypnotherapy
Done courses on anxiety
Books
Podcast
Meditation
Yoga
You name it, over the yrs I’ve done it

At the moment I’m coming to the end of doing a CAT therapy
Course 2 left and I don’t feel like doing them, as I feel I’ve nothing left to talk about anymore. I’ve been going 14 weeks
We’ve made a map of my thinking, and as with anxiety suffers it’s a vicious circle which is hard to crack.
He’s said it’s back to my childhood, when my dad died when I was 18mths old
Also being cheated on and left by my husband to rise a 4 yr old
Also cheated on by current partner 4 yrs ago
So yer suppose it is trauma
So feel rejected, hurt, abandoned and betrayed.
So my anxiety is rife with constantly over thinking cycle
Which as left me so anxious/depressed at times I don’t want to go out or do anything.

Today we’ve been in garden finishing painting fence, my heart wasn’t in it although it looks great 👍
I got an overwhelming feeling of sadness and felt like crying
From nowhere. Well it probably was from feeling down earlier

I can’t understand why when in this mood, doing something to engage doesn’t the thoughts and the vicious cycle. Even though I say “ it’s a thought it’s not me”

I’m so sick of feeling like I do, down, anxious, no enthusiasm
That alone is a bloody vicious circle.

It can be hard to break the cycle OP.

Your comment about the evenings being easier because of a lack of expectations does make me wonder about your own expectations of yourself and whether they are realistic (does that make sense?!)

How strongly motivated someone feels about doing something will vary from day to day - I think that's normal, so I'd say it was a little unrealistic to expect one hundred percent good days - and it's also possible to feel down about one small aspect of a day/task/whatever and whereas some people can just move on to the next thing, other people will find that one small aspect throws a shadow over the entire day.

As for the past - it's a marker post, not a hitching post, so don't feel what has gone before will stop you moving forward. It's good that you are prepared to try different techniques to deal with everything, that's a positive.

Thank you 😊 for taking your time to reply

I am a bit of a perfectionist 🤔
So that doesn’t help me,
How you’ve written it makes me think differently and the light bulb 💡 moment switches on.
I just can’t seem to think like that, yet I know it !
age and memory doesn’t help)
Maybe as to do with feeling like I do,
I can’t seem to come up with the positive phases.
I have to look at books to remember
It’s normal to be like that sometimes

I must be kinder with my words to myself instead of the anger tone of
“Just do it”

Not that I expect my words to be a light bulb to anyone tbh, but I certainly think it's true that we say stuff to ourselves (in our heads) that we'd never say to a friend - we'd be far more understanding or forgiving to someone else! Why don't we do that for ourselves? I don't have the answer to that one!