Feel like Ive lost me - been ebbing away since I got preg and now had DD

[Emma07]

Since I got preg I feel like Ive slowly been loosing me. I used to be a strong independent women with a good job and happy relationship. Then got preg (planned) felt sick, got fat lost ability to exercise much, had baby, C-sec, not healed in tum 4 months later, lost confidence, energy and not sleeping as baby wakes every 2hrs, why did noone tell me being a mum was so crap now feel very ungrateful as DD is lovely or so everyone tells me...oh I hate feeling like this! I just want me back.

It sounds to me like you may be suffering from PND. When I was diagnosed by my HV, it was a real shock. I hadn't really given it a second thought. You must speak to your HV - be completely honest - there's no point in holding back because you won't get anywhere. You have to - do it for yourself and for your family. Good luck. I hope that you will feel able to enjoy life again very soon.

Emma07,

It is not unusual to feel a little bad but I worry bit because it has been four months. Baby should be sleeping more than 2hrs,too.

Hopefully, theses feelings will blow over but if they don't, I think you should talk to your doc. Sometime your hormones just go crazy after you have a baby.

thanks 4 support, i have made an appt with GP for monday not sure what to say. lost my support network abit as my best friend my sister emigrated just before dd born, dh at work all day, didnt really click with any of the postnatal group. scared of being labelled 'depressed'

Emma07,

A lot of women are "depressed" after they have babies. Even if the doctor diagnoses you with depression, I don't think you should be ashamed. You had a baby and it happens.

I can't remember what the figures are for pnd but I'm convinced that well over half of all mums have pnd. I had it with both mine and didn't have anti depressants either time so it's not inevitable. There is a lot of support out there - there's no need to pretend you are fine when you aren't. It's not an admission of failure to ask for help.

Thanks oh Im crying because I do feel SO guilty, my sister has been trying for years to get preg, I manage it first time then feel so crap, my mum was a stay at home mum so I dont think she understands how hard I am finding it

Forgot to say my mum loved being an at home mum, and was good at it. Ive always been the support to other people, Im good at advice always picked myself up etc but this time Ive really struggling and feel my relationship with my dh is ebbing away too as he has to 'go to work' every day, yet if I ask him to look after dd for couple of hours he is shattered.

Emma, I've seen your other post about your DD's sleeping habits - I'm sure much for what you're feeling now is purely down to exhaustion.

I know it's really hard, but can you get someone to take your DD out of the house between feeds, for a long walk or something, so you can completely switch off and rest - I could never rest properly when DS was in the house,as you always hear them etc.

If you've got the energy, try to go off on your own into town or something, or to visit a friend who hasn't got kids, who will talk about something else for a change - we all need a break at times.

It might be worth persevering with the bottle too, so you can express and leave her with someone else for a bit.

This phase won't last for ever, but don't ever think you are bad or in some way inadequate for feeling like this - you are not the first and you certainly won't be the last.

mumsnet can really help you.. it helped me, i lurked on the depression threads for ages before i finally went to so my gp and hv, and posted about beign put in anti deppresants. I'm better now but its so very common to feel like that despite what you see on tv and in magazines... its not all happy and perfect... i had hyperemisis throughout my pregnancy, and now that i look back i was obviously depressed and isolated then with dh working all the time and unable to work... things got better when i had my ds but i never fully recovered and two years after having him the depression finally caught up with me last year and i went from mostly coping to a complete mess... the ad worked for me and the support of listening to others that had the same thing so i didn't feel alone anymore.

By the way, I was also crap at being a stay at home mum - was much better when I went back to work 3 days a week, as I felt like me again.

At the risk of being shot down in flames, I also felt much better after I gave up bf-ing at 4 months - felt I had my body back, something resembling a sex drive again, and generally felt much better about myself. But that's just me.

i must admit i cant wait to go back to work 3 days per week in november for a 'break' and some adult company! I do have a love hate relationship with the breast feeding, i struggled SO much for 1st 5 weeks with bottles expressed milk, nipple shields before i got the hang of it, it amazing dd will not take a bottle now!!! part of me would like to give up if only she would take a bottle ;) feeling better now thanks 4 chatting it is helping

Emma07,

You are being too hard on yourself. It is okay to feel depressed and it is okay not to be a "perfect" mom. Sometime we think people are perfect and then we discover that they are struggling just like us.

I promise you that most new mums feel exactly the same way as you do. I know I did as did a lot of my friends. I've never been so lonely in my whole life as when I had ds1 and dh was at work.

Would you consider getting a night nanny to help out with dd's sleep, even just for a couple of nights? You will feel better for a bit of sleep (although that won't solve everything).

Take things one day at a time. You will get there, I promise. I struggled so hard when mine were that age. Tbh if I see a newborn I coo and gurgle and cuddle them but I also shudder inwardly because it reminds how hard the whole thing was. I don't envy anyone with a newborn, gorgeous though they are!

Thanks I going to go out for a walk in the lovely rainy british summer now ;-) off to see if I can buy the baby whispher book so I can improve our sleep and start to feel better x

If you can't find it let me know. I have a copy you can have.

Have a good day.

Get the 'solves all your problems' one - it has lots of practical ideas.

Been reading baby whispger book and got some hints to try. Last night managed to only fed at 10pm and 4am but had to do resettle touch and shshhh at 12,2am & 6am but feeling better as more 'in control' feeling more confident about tonight keeping fingers crossed for more sleep soon. Thanks to all who offerred advice yesterday ;-)

Well done - that sounds like real progress.

How have the last couple of nights been??

Awww....I know this will be of no help...bt I think loads of mums, onclding me, have felt like that...the important bit is to realise your dreams and wishes and to realise tghat there is still a you in there...