Is this my anxiety or do I really want to leave?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Every time I have a crisis, I just want to leave my family. I love them more than life itself but when I get so wound up about whatever it is at the time, I actually start to make plans in my mind about where I will stay, who I would call, my job, even down to how we’d make arrangements for the children. Sometimes I even tell my husband we’d all be better off if I left.

It goes again when I’m all calm and I’ve only just made the connection, could it really be just my anxiety triggering this?

It could be, don't make any big decision when you are in a crisis.

Also, if you have been doing this repeatedly, try and recognise when it is happening and don't tell your DH that you want to leave - that must be really hurtful for him - but seek help if you normally see someone with your anxiety like your GP or another health professional.

It must be incredibly hurtful to hear and I really will make more of an effort to stop saying it. He’s very good though and completely gets it’s me and we have a good chat afterwards.

It’s just so hard when you’re in the throes of a panic attack and I can’t think clearly.

I appreciate that, I think it's really good that you've recognised that you do it - that's a really positive thing, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

As an observer, one of the worst things about anxiety (and depression as well, actually) is that when you are most in need of help or treatment it's the last thing you think you actually need - even when people at the time are pointing it out to you, you just don't see it. Often the first sign of an approaching crisis is a sufferer thinking they don't need their meds/therapy/something they currently use IME. It's not easy to break the cycle, but you sound determined, OP

Thank you. I have seen the GP (who diagnosed the anxiety as GAD) and have had CBT and trying to use the techniques for the last year. I have seen some improvements and then I have a massive lapse. It’s all a work in progress isn’t it?