Borderline Personality Disorder

[seriouslyworried]

My daughter has just been diagnosed with BPD. She is 18 and we have been living with it for over 4 years. Been under CAMHS for most of this time and spent the first two years doing CBT for anxiety and depression. The problem is now she is an adult, the wait list for proper help is 18 months!! I think this is outrageous!!! My question is, should we go down the private route?? It would probably cripple us financially, but I am willing to remortgage if it will help my beautiful daughter get back some of what she has lost, and just be able to function again!! Any advice???

If you do go private ensure whoever you send her to has experience of working with someone with borderline personality disorder. If you’re thinking counselling/therapy then many don’t necessarily have further training in working with borderline clients- find someone that does. Currently DBT or metallisationbased therapy are recommended for BPD.

Yes, that is what I have been looking at. There is such an array of things out there that my mind is pretty boggled!! DBT seems to be helpful to a lot of people but it is also down to finding the right person! I am in the SW London area so any recommendations would be greatly received!

I would also like to find a therapist who is specially trained in how to treat borderline patients in the essex area. My dd was diagnosed at 18 and is now 25 years old but really hasn't improved at all in the last 7 years. The gp can only prescribe anti depressants, the psychiatrist is useless and its so risky with private therapists because in my experience they have done my dd more harm than good. I feel for you and your dd as bpd is a very difficult illness to treat. In our area there is no 'proper help' for bpd at all .

I’m so sad to hear that! We have the anti depressants and they want to throw an anti psychotic into the mix to act as a mood stabiliser!!! The NHS psychiatrist that finally diagnosed my daughter felt so bad for her that she said she would try to see her once every 4-6 weeks whilst she is waiting to access treatment. In the mean time she is free to present herself to A&E if she feels at all suicidal!! It’s beyond a joke. Finding the right person is the most crucial thing but the most difficult! Has your daughter gone through any DBT courses? Did she not find them helpful?

DBT is group therapy so you would want to find a group. It’s four modules and generally a year long commitment of twice weekly appointments. There is a clinic in London offering this if you search it. Anti-psychotics can be really useful for some people for mood stabilisation (myself included - I came off them after around 18 months but they helped me stay stable for therapy.) DBT isn’t appropriate for someone who is actively in crisis. Also take a look at your local Mind as some offer DBT for free. Good luck!

It sounds like you are having the same experiences as we did. Go to a and e if suicidal etc etc. The NHS Psychiatrist can only see my dd once or twice per year . She did go to a and e twice when she was in crisis and suicidal which resulted in two hospital admissions for a week each time. NHS don't offer DBT in our area as I have requested it on her behalf many times. I would gladly pay for it if knew where to get it and could trust it. Dd does attend a weekly group therapy but it doesn't really seem to help at all. I will look at our local Mind again and see if they are offering it.

Forgot to say that my dd is on antidepressants and also an anti psychotic.. To be honest I don't think the psychiatrist really knows what to do with her.

I had a similar situation. I had mental health issues throughout my childhood, many people I saw at camhs suggested it was likely bpd but they don't diagnose until 18, so I was just treated for depression for 12 years. A couple of months after my 18th, diagnosed, now have to refer myself for talking therapy and unless it's serious enough that I harm myself and end up in hospital there is no other support. I really hope you can get some help for your daughter xx

Anti psychotics were really helpful for me, as was DBT. I have a fantastic life now, age 30, but recovery was a long and hard process: I was diagnosed at 18 and had been in child mental health services since age 12.
I'm not sure if you're in the same area but I had my treatment at a SW London facility next to a golf course (trying not to be outing, if you know it you know it I guess) and it was worth the wait. I can't answer as to whether going private would be more beneficial, but I just wanted to share some hope from the other side.

Will also add that I'm no longer on any form of medication and have just had my first child. After a 15 Yr battle with BPD / my MH

She is 18 and we have been living with it for over 4 years
and if it genuinely is a personality disorder then you'll be living with it for the rest of her life. It isn't a mental health issue, it's a disordered personality. I suppose they might be able to help alleviate the depression or bipolar disorder if she has those too but...if it were me I'd be trying to get second opinions on the diagnosis...because it's pretty bleak.

I don't agree that it's bleak. It is hard work, and it was horrific at times, but I don't consider my outlook to be bleak. Thats so reductive and I refuse to be defined on those terms. Its hard work to stay on top but I've been in top for 5 years straight - my longest run ever - and feel that irlt is possible to continue and to cope.

Thank you for the responses. BPD was initially mentioned about 3 years ago, but never followed up with on account of her age. I really hope the future isn’t as bleak as it sounds...I’m not sure I’m up for it! It’s good to hear that some of you have come out the other side and are able to live “normal” lives, whatever that is!! She is my only child and I will do whatever I can to make life better for her. I have to believe that the right form of therapy combined with medication will see her onto a happier path because right now she is just functioning and it is breaking my soul.

And yes, the one near the golf course is where we are!!! You are giving me hope!!!

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/dialectical-behaviour-therapy-dbt/accessing-dbt/#.XQvuA2N_GlI

No consolation, but the wait in some areas is three years, and that's where the services haven't closed down. That's what happens when you chronically underfund NHS services.

I wish your daughter well for the future, she's very fortunate to have such a caring mum. Even if she might not always show it, I've no doubt you mean the world to her.

Thank you. Sometimes the guilt of her outbursts are too much to take, and I think that is a major contributor to her “self medicating”!! Her dad and I are lucky to have each other too...he is very good at bringing her down, so to speak, whilst I take the dog for a longboard walk!

Op my mum would say get some help for you too. She had councilling to get her through my darkest periods, but she didn't do it until I was in my twenties and my long term hospitalisations were in double digits. Seek support for yourself sooner than that, and stay hopeful. It can be so much better

I was on anti depressants for a year up until about a year ago as I was struggling. Things have become so normalised now that it doesn’t seem to affect me in the same way any more. That in itself is probably reason enough to go and talk to someone! I worry that my lack of breaking down over the whole thing isn’t normal...If some of the people I know and work with had gone through what I have over the last 4 years I’m pretty sure they would have cracked up by now...some of their trivial first world problems really piss me off! Then I think of my beautiful daughter and what she has been through, and is still going through, and it makes me check myself and get myself back together. And then we go round again!!!

I disagree to. It's not bleak.

Just like with depression, psychotic episodes, autism, anxiety - so many things really - every person is different.

Some may be able to spot their triggers before they reach crisis point. Also the intensity of the symptoms will vary per person and there's nothing to say in any medical journal - not that they are fool proof anyway - that Amy disorder cannot vastly improve.

Never tell someone they will fail, then you aren't even letting them try to succeed.

No practical help op. I have depression and anxiety and - something else, but I don't know what. What I can tell you is having support and patience surrounding you can make all the difference.

I hope your daughter gets some much needed help and support.

too.

OP, i just want to make the point that it’s not uncommon for people (esp women) with BPD to be rediagnosed with bipolar disorder. There are quite a lot of similar symptoms. Just something to keep in mind, especially if she doesn’t respond to treatment. If she were to be bipolar, antidepressants can make things much worse.

Well, I bought the “I hate you, don’t leave me” book! My daughter hasn’t put it down and it is literally describing her life!!! I think she is finding it really helpful - she told me that she doesn’t feel as if she is going mad any more!!! Now to get her dad to read it!!!!