Worried I might be depressed, so difficult to decide....

[ellasmum1]

For a while now I have started to feel that life is pointless, like I am like a hamster on a wheel, or on a treadmill that I can't get off. Every morning I wake up and struggle to find a reason to feel happy.Just want to stay in bed and hide away from life. I know I adore my dd(4) but feel there should be more reason to life than just looking after her and dh.
I should be happy- have nice house,child, dh, career etc but just feel empty inside. No energy, keep having to eat loads of sweet stuff and caffeine just to get through the day. I also get horrendous anger/rages out of nowhere, snapping at dh and dd.
Things that used to make me happy don't seem to work anymore- don't feel like going out or ringing people up etc.
However I don't feel like crying all the time and can still laugh at something funny on tv sometimes, and am ok with friends/at work. Feel miserable once back home though. Weird.
Just hate the repetitiveness of the same routines every day and not sure how long I can keep going on like this. Feel guilty about dd and dh.
Friend has suggested going to Gp but am worried I won't be taken seriously as I won't cry and automatically seem to put on a front in public.

Hi - this is exactly how I have been feeling. Do go to your doctor as he/she will listen and you don't need to cry to get your point across. To be honest just speaking to someone not involved in your personal life will be such a relief and you most probably will end up in tears, just let them keep flowing and get it all out of your system. Like everyone always says it won't be something hte doc hasn't seen before! I too seem to feel better when I'm at work - a means of escape I think! But my depression really came to a head when I just burst into tears in front of all my work colleagues!
Try and go out with your friends once in a while, it is hard I know, I keep putting it off, but once you're out and had a couple of vinos you will feel so much better.

Book an appointment with your GP tomorrow!

Good luck

This sounds exactly like my life has been for the last two years. I started on ADs about 12 weeks ago and now feel so much better. you need to see your GP and tell him how you've been feeling. He will take you seriously and you may be surprised about the crying. I had been pretty good at keeping it all in, but as soon as I started to talk about it, I started crying and couldn't stop. My poor GP didn't know where to put himself.

My DH came with me as well to make sure I told the GP how bad things had actually been.

Life will seem better once you have had some help.

Book that appointment and take care

You could be talikng about me after I had DS, I know what you mean about he whole 'putting on as brave face' thing. I finally was diagnosed with PND by theGP, I actually went for headaches, he told me I was overdoing it, and I said I can't be I do nothing all day...and it all came tumbling out. After that I saw the HV for counsellling, and when I went out with friends I said , 'I've got PND' in such a jolly way no one really believed me or knew what to say. PND isn't just about crying all the time its about the whole bundle of things and it sounds like you're there.
Have you felt like this all the time or only recently.. if it's just recentlyit might be something else that's triggered it. It certainly sounds like depression, although I now have bouts when I'm really tired due to long term broken nights. DO go and see your GP, he won't brush it off its what thy're there for, just because you don't burst into tears on his shoulder doesn't mean you're not depressed, that you're planning to go is an excellent start, ....oh and tell hiom you put on a brave face in public, it will help....don't say oh I think i'm ok...you're not....good luck...hope you get some help, you don't have to feel like this....BTW lovely piccies, you want to smile like that again don't you.....go get help and you'll be able to

Thanks for your replies, nice to know others have felt like this too. Dh wasn't overly sympathetic when I told him I was planning to see Gp. Says he wishes I could just be normal. I definately have some ok-good days but just think they seem to be getting rarer and PMT type symptoms seem to be around for longer and longer. Will go to Gp and se what he says, very scared though.

Oh clutteredup I didn't answer your question- I have always had down days but only last couple of months has it got v bad. We came back from a much looked forward to holiday at beginning of June and I started to enjoy myself, but we were only away for a week and arrived home feeling I wish I didn't have to come back to normal life really.
Dh works alot of nights so find that very lonely,missing him more and more.
We are also arguing about financial troubles recently, which is a new thing. Maybe combination of above.

Hi, I could have written your OP only my career stopped when DS was born 3 years ago ago and I became in itinerant expat wife.
Feel like a failure professionally and so ungratefull towards DH who is doing a hard job.
I just can not bring myself to resorting to medication.
At the moment not really down because I'm in a new country, sunshine, novelty, etc.....
I definitely relate to the bottled up anger. Outburst with no reason (other than exhaustion of settling in yet another country on the other side of the planet).

Are you OK with taking ADs. How do they work? Don't the underllying pblms (if any) just get sweeped under the carpet. I mean the point is coming off the medication isn't it? what next?

Ella, are you taking ADs

Ellasmum poor you, your dh doesn't sound very helpful. You are quite 'normal', this happens to a lot of mums, motherhood is a lonely unfulfilling business in today's world. i know a lot of people are down on the whole 'whinging mother tihng' but its true it is actually harder these days. first of all we are now as women brought up with the expectation that we will have a career ( this is a good thing I think) but then we are told that we can have a career and have children, but its not always quite like that.
i have given up mine in the main to look after our dc as i want to be at home and look after them, but as slim says you then feel like you've 'failed professionally' because others are continuing..if you try to keep your career, you're criticised for 'abandoning' your Dc, and anyway whichever way ytou do it you are still likely to be the main child carer and home maker on top. most DP/DH tend to do a lot less regardless of whethter you work or not. having a family is life changing in all sorts of ways for women, many men seem to get by carrying on as usual... its not really fair. OK we have washing machines and hoovers, but few of us have family close by and mums on hand to help with the children and life is full of higher expectations than previous generations had, big mortgages, more posessions cluttering up our homes, life is far less simple than it was, so although it may appear less harsh other things make it harder to manage.so to recap YOU ARE QUITE NORMAL so don't listen, going to your GP could help as he can offer a range of solutions, not just ADs. Have you got any help at home and do you get out at all? I find its easy to get stuck at home in a rut doing the same thing over and over again. every now and then i go out with frinds, not often enough, but a child free vening with a few drinks talikng about 'ormal' child free stuff can be quite refreshing and i find it makes me realise thereis a bit more to me than just being a mum. you could try the same with dh, it helps to go out together and remind eachother why you are together. is work starting to get samey can you look at ptions ther or is it just at home? HTH

agree with clutteredup.
Give ourself a pat in the back and be a little bit selfish sometimes.
Take credit for all that you do for your family rather than thinking about what's missing from your life and Get out and see people and do sometime you enjoy once in a while.

Hi, have seen Dr who said he thinks I am boderering on moderate depression. Being referred for counselling and today started 20mg citalopram. Fingers crossed!

good luck

Thankyou so much to all of you who took the time to reply. I am already starting to feel a bit better- can now see that alot of my behaviour was completely abnormal, but depression is so subtle sometimes, it creeps up on you and you just think "I'm pathetic/lazy/hopeless" and it never crosses your mind to think you could have an illness!
To think when a friend suggested I might be depressed/need help a over a week ago I felt angry with her.At the time I felt like shouting "but its not me who needs help its you, you can't see how crap and pointless life is!"