Worried mental health will affect DC

[Loppsylara]

I have severe mental health problems.
Depression and anxiety.
I feel like I’ve tried everything to sort my self out and get better, but nothing is working.
Lately I’ve been really bad again.
I’ve wanted to end my life for the past week. I don’t think I’d act on it, I can’t leave my DC without a mother.
I’m a mess, all the time. My anxiety makes me feel scared and shakey.
For no apparent reason other than thinking about future events, bumping into certain people, anything really.
I’m so so worried that DC will have mental health problems in the future, I almost feel it’s inevitable and it breaks my heart. But I can’t do anything about it other than try to get better, but everything I try doesn’t seem to work.
I’ve tried meds, therapy, going out of my comfort zone and forcing myself to do stuff, meditation but none of it seems to work.
I’m so worried they’ll turn out with the same mental health issues and that makes me feel like I’ve ruined their lives

Bumping as not to get lost in threads

You aren't ruining their lives- you are the centre of them!! How old are your DC?

I'm Sorry you've not had many replies OP and I'm sorry that you are feeling so worried and sad about things. Do you have a partner or other relatives or friends who you can talk this through with. It sounds as though you are very mindful of how your MH might effect your children and I think that's the most important thing. None of us can be perfect Mums but as long as we love our kids and do our best then hopefully it's enough.

I don't really have any advise though 🙁

Hope things improve for you soon 💐💐

My mum has severe depression, anxiety and hallucinations. I turned out ok! It's a hereditary condition, so there is nothing you can do to stop someone from getting it, you are either predisposed or you aren't. You have a chemical imbalance, there is something physically wrong, and like mum's with any other illness, you can only do your best.
As a side note, have you tried taking up exercise or a hobby such as singing? Very beneficial for mental health if you are able to push through your anxiety

Hi Loppsylara,I agree with the poster above, you are the centre of their lives! You are the single most important person to your kids (along with your partner if you have one), and I don't know what your head's telling you, but anything other than that is a lie so try not to believe it. I have had all the same concerns as you, and I can hear your struggle with all this, but imagine a scenario where you get to a place of being able to 'manage' your mental health (as that is perhaps the best we can hope for) and also help your kids to have stronger resilience and mental health, and any difficulties that do crop up with them mental health wise you will be able to support them with as you have lived it too.
You are an amazing mum, you are continuing with all that is going on inside your head right now, just keep trying, keep trying to reach out, just keep going. You're not alone, there are so many of us that feel the same way. Just don't give in to the darkest thoughts, and please take them to your gp or a therapist to be heard.

Thank you everyone for the replies.
They definitely put my mind at ease.
My head tells me a lot of things, sometimes that I’m not a good enough mother for them simply because I have mental health issues and they deserve better.
@hotornot- they are 3 and 7

@RedPink- I have a partner and and some friends they are all very supportive, but I feel like a burden a lot of the time, especially if my mental health is particularly bad, I just don’t think people want to listen.

@delilahbucket- I would love to take up some sort of hobby, I have been thinking it would do wonders for my mental health. I’m thinking some sort of exercise class. Just need to push myself to do it

@Woollycardi- thank you, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. I will make a doctors appointment next week and explain to them how I’ve been feeling lately. Hopefully they can put me in touch with my therapist again

It’s a very rational concern . All we can do is listen to our bodies (or our heads ) and make the necessary adjustments

I was having suicidal ideation the last week and called our employers line . The chap was very good and picked up on some fairly key things

You just have the throw everything at your MH

Be it
Exercise
Fresh air
Gardening
Doing
Something kind
CBT
Therapist
Drugs

It’s ever so hard . But I always feel better when I am doing something to address it

I wish you well on this path

Have you any plans to address it