Bipolar DH

[Plump50]

DH has bipolar I. No family history, had his first episode completely out of the blue 15 years ago. We've stayed together and have 3 DCs. He's a lovely guy and has a good relationship with the DCs but I don't think he's ever accepted that this is a lifelong illness. He has long spells without episodes (years) but gets uptight about me checking how he is and then he comes off his meds without telling me and sooner or later he gets manic and psychotic and it's horrendous.

He did it again last year. I had to grab the kids and go.

He has moved out to give us space to work out what to do. I feel trapped. If he comes back I think it will happen again. But if we split up his mental health will likely get worse.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say that as the adult DD of a manic depressive, I appreciate so much the horrible difficulty that my DM has had over the years with my DF.

What has worked in recent years (about 39 after initial psychotic episode) is getting my Dad while well very much involved in writing his care plan for what to do when it goes wrong. It's still not perfect, and he will cleverly twist it in ways unimaginable to us, but it's really helped him follow a sensible approach to getting well again.

Maybe he doesn't like being on the meds? Has he talked about side effects? Is he getting any other form of help i.e. therapy, diet changes, exercise?

Has he made the effort to learn about bipolar and manage his symptoms, is he in the least bit engaged with helping himself?

If not engaged then there's nothing you can do but protect yourself and DC. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

He does generally lead a healthy lifestyle - exercise, avoiding alcohol and caffeine, prioritising sleep - but you're right, Preggosaurus9, he doesn't like the side effects from the meds. I completely get that, and it is his choice how to manage his illness, but I've made it clear that if he chooses not to stay on his meds he can't live with us.
I know the meds have side effects, but they work so well on him! He's never had an episode when he's been on them. It seems so selfish to me that he doesn't put the welfare of his family first - as coming off them pretty much guarantees that he's exposing us all to another episode. But when I ask him why he does it, he can't explain - says it's part of the illness. Can this be true?

When he's recovered, he has no interest in discussions about safeguards (care plans etc). He sees a therapist regularly, and goes to appointments with his psychiatrist, but of course gets discharged once he's been well for a few years.

But when I ask him why he does it, he can't explain - says it's part of the illness

If he’s well when he decides to stop taking them then he’s just a selfish arse IMO. He’s an adult with a family and he knows perfectly well what happens when he stops taking them.

You don’t have to live like that, his mental health is his responsibility. He is not putting the children first, the episodes must surely cause them some trauma.