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Mental health

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How to get by?

3 replies

shakymum · 07/06/2019 15:06

I am a middle aged unremarkable woman.
I am ugly and have bad teeth (despite these being straightened when I was young). My hair is awful. I am putting on weight. I never look good and i am unphotogenic.
I am odd. I find it difficult to make friends or have relationships, even with family. I carry bad thoughts and find it hard to really like anyone.

I hate being in a group and will naturally be quiet. Everyone else seems funnier and more confident than me.

I am a mother of two. I take my unhappiness and frustration out on my children and husband.

Life has not gone the way I wanted it to. I thought that with hard work and commitment I could change things and have the life I wanted but that isn’t proving to be the case. It seems I work hard to stand still. I find my job incredibly hard, largely because I find it difficult to deal with anyone and imagine that they don’t like or have confidence in me. Then I get frustrated when I don’t progress.

I am materialistic and wanted to get away from an impoverished background. My parents were poor, Irish (which at the time was looked down upon) and my father drank a lot. I was embarrassed of my family circumstances. I can’t leave that behind and think that people see that when they look at me. Just a stupid, lowly person of poor Irish origin who deserves to remain at the bottom of the rung.
I have got so far in my career but have stalled and at this age i am not going to progress to earn the level of salary I want and afford the lifestyle I want and I dreamt of when young and unhappy.
I live in a small house. It’s ok. Shabby inside. I would love to move somewhere different but for various reasons and an an easy life i just go along with this. To do otherwise would prove too disruptive.

I really struggle with envy of others. I look at a lot of people and think “ they are what I want to be but am not, they have everything I want but have not got”.
My health is ok and I have enough money to survive.
But it is not enough and I sad and I feel bad about not recognising the value of what I do have.
I am invisible, unhappy, uncomfortable to be around.
It feels bleak as all I can see is more of the same for years to come.

OP posts:
FloresTorres · 07/06/2019 23:20

I could have written this some days.
Wanting to get away from an impoverished background is not materialistic, it really isn't. It is perfectly natural to feel like that, and to want nice things.
Listening ear here if you need to talk some more. Flowers

Bluerussian · 07/06/2019 23:39

Bless you, shakymum.
I'm not going to give you an platitudes such as, "What you are like as a person is what counts". You are demoralised and we all feel better when we look good and have confidence.

You'd be surprised how many people go through fat and frumpy phases but they don't have to last forever. You can take yourself in hand, make a commitment to YOU and change things bit by bit. Honestly, it can happen.

All the best.

Flowers
IsThisIt82 · 07/06/2019 23:41

But what will change if you spend the rest of your years thinking so negatively? What do you have to be thankful for?

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