Non-Supportive Sister

[NameChangePls]

Hi. Sorry for the NC but I want to be anonymous here with this.

I have a sister who just does not understand mental health and abuse. We haven't always been close but did get closer for a bit and now it's like I don't even know her.

To start off with, I told her several months ago that I had been in an abusive relationship with my ex. We'd been together for several years and she had known this. She told me "it couldn't have been that bad or you wouldn't have stayed." So there's this.

I then told her several months ago as well that I was depressed and suicidal. She told me she was also depressed once and went hiking topless and I should give that a go as well, in order to feel better.

I today brought up what she said (the hiking topless part) and she said no one she knows who hikes is also depressed and I just basically need to pick myself up and get things done and go on a hike. I told her it was a bit harder than this, that it wasn't laziness and that she wasn't understanding. She told me it was me who was not understanding.

I am unsure if this is some sort of tough love thing she's giving but it's really unhelpful. I told her it was unhelpful and not supportive and she told me we have differing ideas of support.

I keep trying with her, thinking she will come around. Why I have no idea. I have no friends or family locally to where I am currently and she knows this. I am all alone here, which does not help my MH, I know.

Just a handhold needed mainly and to vent. Anyone else have friends/family like this? Anyone have advice?

I've been through a world of bullshit in the last 2 years and how the hell I have made it through it is a mystery. I have been on the brink of suicide several times. I just have felt so horrible and my sister does not help in any way.

Thanks for letting me vent and reading this.

I could be your sister. I've got a sister with MH and depression and tbh, I struggle to understand why she won't get help.

Like your sister, if I have a problem, I seek help, weather it's topless mountain climbing or meditation, exercise etc, I'll do it.

I've learned over the years to listen when she says to leave her alone. My instinct is to try and 'fix' her but I know this isn't helping. I also tried the tough love and hard truths but I realise now that it doesn't work either

I think the best thing you can do is tell your sister how she can help you. Otherwise she's in the dark and will keep doing the exact opposite of what you need.

She clearly loves you, but she's not in your head so if you don't tell her how to support you, she'll never know

Good luck x

I think those who have not suffered with depression don't realise how it can engulf you, and also how difficult it is.

I have a friend who I love dearly who sounds like your sister with loads of unhelpful suggestions. I choose not to talk about my mental health with her, she is never going to get it.

I think people don't understand you don't want them to solve their problems, just sit with you and provide a listening ear.

You need to stop insisting she gives you the support you need when she is clearly not capable of it. Your sister is not a therapist, and it's unreasonable of you to expect her to understand what you are going through. Of course it would be nice if she were more supportive, but she's not. Dwelling on this will not help in your journey forward.

Thanks for the replies.

To clarify, I have gotten help, as well as tried and try various things to feel better. I am in a situation that is not healthy but hope to be out of it soon which I am hoping makes some improvement.

All in all the replies above have shed some light on the situation in ways I had not considered. Thank you.