I had a miscarriage last autumn and I cannot recover or move on from it. I have been desperately trying to get pregnant ever since and it's not happening. Because that is only the only way for me to be able to heal and to mend my broken heart.
I've seen a counselor, I've seen my GP, I'm already on antidepressants because of developing a severe health anxiety since the miscarrige. I have a very supportive husband and a beautiful daughter who is my entire world. Nothing is helping, nothing is taking away that horrible, raw, gaping, awful pain that is always in the pit of my stomach and in my heart.
I quit my job in the aftermath because I couldn't stand the people anymore, couldn't stand the 9-5 and the office bitches. I'm now self-employed, which helps as I'm in more control of my life.
But the worst of all, worse than the heartache itself, is that enormous, all consuming hate for pregnant women and their babies. I've never felt hate like this before, I cannot even look at babies because I'm fearful what I might do...
And I know that the only way I can heal and stop hating is to have a baby in my arms again. But it's not happening, so here I am stuck in this terrible, dark, deep hole full of hate, resentment and heartache.
Thank you for reading
And Yes, I know I need to get a grip, but I don't know how.