I felt depressed before I had my ds, my childhood was ok but I never really got over the death of my sister and then my mum fell really ill during my teens. When I went to university, it really hit me how crap I felt about myself, it probably didn' help that I lived with a bunch of complete bastards in my first year halls who were intent on making my life a misery.
Anyway, I fell pregnant with my ds in my final year and managed to complete my studies and come out with a 2:1.
I left university two years ago and felt really positive about the future, teh first time in ages. However, since leaving I feel that things have taken a downward spiral.
I'm no longer with the father of my child and I'm living on my own with my son.
Everyday I wake up worried and feeling sick about the future. I feel depressed most days and sometimes I just lie in bed wishing my life away - the only thing that keeps me going is ds.
I am constantly worrying about money, debts, job etc.
My depression gets to the point where I dont really want to carry on anymore and as cliched as it sounds I feel as though I've lost the will to live. I feel suffocated and it's if I'm just existing and breathing rather than living my life.
I don't resent my ds but I feel frustrated that I everything I strove for before I had him has taken a backseat. I know that sounds selfish and I realise that ds comes before anyone and anything but sometimes I feel so low and crap that I just feel like I;m not me anymore.
I've had counselling, psychotherapy and anti-d's in the past but I don't know if that's the route I want to take again.
I just want to know if things will get better, when and how. I need some support but I'm scraed to ask my family as everytime I bring it up they shrug it off as if I'm making things out to be worse than they are.
I don't know what to do anymore.