Ante-natal depression(possibly?) and SPD. Am on the verge of asking DP to leave work.....

[zephyrcat]

I wasn't sure whether to put this here or pregnancy. I'm currently 29 weeks pg. I have 3 children already aged 5.6, 3.1 and 1.3 so life is hectic to say the least!

I struggled during my prgnancy with DD2 and wondered if I maybe had a degree of ante-natal depression, something which I now feel is back with a vengeance.

I have quite bad SPD which is really getting me down. I live in a 3rd floor maisonette so I have to bump the pram upand down 3 flights of stairs on a daily basis which really isn't helping, and I'm getting to the point where it's unbearable and my mood swings are diabolical. Poor DP and the children bearing the brunt of it all.

I am so close to asking dp to quit work for the next few months to help me get through it. He's not keen because he's fairly money orientated whereas at the moment I would rather be flat broke and have him here to help. Am I thinking irrationally? Is it unfair to ask him to do that or am I justified in needing his help?! His job is nothing he couldn't go back to after the baby was born - money is the only down side to it, but we would survive.

I just need someone with a level thinking head on to tell me whether or not I'm being ridiculous!!

you are not being ridiculous - your situation is impossibly hard and your health and family happiness are at risk. on the other hand dp leaving work seems extreme - can you not use that money that you say you can do without to hire help? doula/cleaner/ au pair/ironing service/mother's help/ live out nanny/ nursery places- what ever would get you through. i had a service called homestart that are acharity that help stressed mums.

O ZC, you poor thing.

I had SPD and only one other child to look after at the time, which was bad enough, and you've got 3 others! I wouldn't wish SPD on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

The only thing that sprung to my mind when reading your post is if you think your DP would be reluctant to leave work would it be feasible for you to hire in some extra help instead?

With it being the summer holidays you might find an older, sensible teen (maybe one who is starting out in childcare in college) to help out daily.

X'd posts with luckylady -agree that Homestart would also be a good start too.

I had thought about homestart but to be honest, my bad mood is making me not want to have to talk to/see/deal with anyone! I even cancelled my Mum coming here the other day because I just want to be left alone!

My biggest problem is getting anywhere. I hate being indoors but the thought of getting up and down the stairs is keeping me in, making me angry and so the cycle continues....

The SPD is a big factor with the stairs though, if I didn't have that I think half the problem would be solved.

Have you spoken to your GP/midwife about the possible AN depression? What can they do to help that side of things?

If that was dealt with do you think it might help you out of that vicious circle? Also talking might help in that people (family, friends) will be more aware of the situation and can offer to help in whatever way they can.
Sorry, probably asked you more questions than I gave any advice but I'm just trying to get a picture

I haven't spoken to eith about the possibility of AN depression. I mentionred it to my old doctor last time and was kind of talked out of it being an issue, and that it's PND to worry about. I'm also a bit unsure where the line is between depression and pregnancy hormones. I have seen lots of posts on here at various times about people with bad mood swings -

I dont know much about AD, but know what your going though with the SPD, and like you have days when it really gets me down. I wont repeat what the others have said about GP/MW but on a practicial note you can apply for Disability Living Allowance if you have had it for 3 months. If not fill in the form just before 3 months. That way maybe youre hubby might be able to take some unpaid leave and this would make up the money issue.
Good Luck

Lisa

I'm not sure either ZC -its not something I know about but AFAIK it does exist.

I think you do need to talk to them and not be fobbed off. You say you spoke to your "old" doc so does that mean its a different one now? They might be more receptive.

Do have family and friends nearby?

Sorry DD2 switched me off mid post! I was going to say that from theposts I have seen with similar mood swings I just wonder if I'm rubbish at handling the hormones! One minute I'm high as a kite and on top of the world next minute I'm packing dp's bags in floods of tears and screaming the house down!

DP has just come in so I'll have to come back in a bit

I did wonder if we/I owuld qualify for some sort of allowance with dp as a 'carer' because I am physically getting to the point of struggling with the stairs in our building...

You would have to apply for DLA and mobility, not sure about carers as your hubby is currently working. My hubby works but he does a lot more for me right now than normal like helping me dress, getting out of bath, and lloking after DD.
I think for him to apply for carers he would have to be working less than 16 hours (i could be wrong), and remember SPD is ony tempoary in most cases, so you would/could lose all the money when you get better.
lisa

hun i've been looking for you!! your mob not working? can't get hold of you. Get in touch soon if you can. You sound like you need a good chat?

Don't ignore the AND, you are more likely to get PND if you have AND, I went from one to the other without stopping with my DD1.