Has anybody ever been at rock bottom and then turned it round and lived a happy life?

[talesofhope]

I'm feeling so low and hopeless at the moment. Partly due to mental illness, partly due to never ending life stresses. Every week for months I've felt more and more mentally unwell, and some news today has just tipped me over the edge of being able to cope. Has anybody ever been suicidal, with problems just multiplying by the minute and the world on their shoulders - and then eventually ended up happy, living a happy life?

I'd love to hear some uplifting tales of hope, if anybody wouldn't mind sharing.

Joining in to watch with you. Right now there is almost nothing positive about my life at all.

I've been sectioned twice. I've tried to kill myself multiple times. And I've now been in recovery for two years.

I mean, it might not last forever. I might get sick again. But right now I don't want to kill myself, I do have more good days than bad, and no one can take the time I've had away from me. Things can get better. Sending you all the hope I can.

Yep. I was sat on the bridge waiting for the train. I was 20. I looked down and my dog was looking up at me (the only reason I ever left the house was to walk him). I spent my 21st birthday a week or so later with a psychiatrist being assessed.

I sought help. GP for antidepressants (GP saw me daily at first, then weekly, then fortnightly, then monthly - she's one of the people I owe my life to), 2 years of counselling (my counsellor is the other person I consider as having saved my life) and some big life decisions (dropping out of uni, moving away from "home" etc.) and a lot of hard work (exposure therapy and CBT for anxiety and specific phobias) and self care were what saw things change.

I'm now sat on the sofa, 30(ish!) years old, with a husband who loves me, my baby asleep on my chest and couldn't be happier.

Life is far from perfect or what I once hoped it'd be, but I can honestly say I'm genuinely happy, and have never been happier. There's been bumps in the road along the way, but I've now got the tools to work though those as and when they arise.

It's doable. You just need to take that initial step and go for it

I just name changed to write a similar post to your's OP.

I need to find some shred of positivity and hope in life or I honestly don't think I can carry on. For the last 2 years it's just been bad news after bad news. I'm worried for my mental health.

I wonder if the only way for things to actually get better is to have a totally different outlook on life? An epiphany would be great right now.

Yes - I’m in my forties now and have had several bouts of severe depression and suicial ideation. 25 years ago I am ashamed to say I jumped in front of a tube (and obvs lived- that poor train driver).

I was very ill again this time last year.

Today, I am well - stable, hopeful and happy. I will probably get I’ll again at some point, it is in my dna.... but I am sure that i will make it. You will too, although I know it is hard to believe when you are in the depths. Take care.

Ill not I’ll

Yes. I had to get to the stage of being suicidal before I went to the GP & asked for help, but a combination of therapy & ADs then got me through finding a job, ending my relationship & two house moves.

Four years on, the ADs are long gone & I’m blissfully single with a flat to myself, a fantastic circle of friends & a career I’m passionate about.

I have had 2 breakdowns following being sexually abused as a child. The first left me sleeping 20 hours a day, I would run from my bed to the bathroom as I was so scared to leave the room. The second was a few years later and ended up with me taking an over dose and begging the doctor in a&e to let me die.

I became pregnant unexpectedly and for the first time I had a reason to get better, to try the tablets properly and have psychotherapy. My son is 7 now, and we are truly happy. It was hard pulling myself out the hole and dealing with my past, but it was worth it, because my son is everything to me.

I promise there is hope - and I know how hard it is to believe that because I’ve been there. I’m rooting for you

I lost custody of my children when I was 18 and broke. Couldn't find a job as I only had limited education. I wanted to die but somehow I found a job lived with my aunt then got my own place. Meet my dh at 20 been happy together for 30 years now.
Things were very hard but I survived. I hope you find the fight we all have inside. 😘

Watch JK Rowling's speech on failure.

Hope things work out for you x

Thank you to everyone who has shared their story and to the people who are feeling the same.

I've suspected I have BPD for the past few months, as I rapidly cycle between periods of happiness/ sadness which are becoming more and more extreme and difficult to cope with. I'm not outwardly manic or angry or depressed though, it's just in my head, so I'm not sure if this fits. But, it's often comorbid with ADHD, which I have been diagnosed with. I'm also having increasing periods of dehabilitating anxiety.

I'm only sleeping 2 or 3 hours a night, which is making me feel even more crazy. I booked a doctors appointment a couple of weeks ago as I can't cope with the insomnia anymore, but it's not for another 10 days.

I've become hyper focused on budgeting in my insomniac hours this week, have had enough of being stressed about money so have managed to finally stop smoking and made a strict budgeting plan. Was feeling a little more hopeful and proud for doing this. Then this week alone I've been told my DDs 30 hours free childcare is going to stop, legal aid have wrote saying I owe them 2k from a restraining order against my abusive exP made years ago, and then today I got a letter saying my housing benefit is suspended immediately for not sending evidence (which I actually sent last week). My rent is due on Tuesday and I need that payment to pay it.

I never speak to anybody about my mental health issues or how Im feeling, my colleagues and friends would never guess. From the outside I seem pretty normal and like a hard working, young, single parent with her head switched on but I'm in turmoil in my head. I reached out to my sister tonight who said it's funny how these things always happen to me. I don't know what to do. I feel so sorry for my little DD, her dads a dickhead and no matter how hard I try, I can't fix myself so we can live a happy, secure life can't stop thinking tonight that she is so perfect, she deserves a better mum than me. Feel like nothing but a burden on everyone.

Took me ages to write all that and cross posted with a lot of people who have been through much worse than me. Sorry if that seemed insensitive, you are all inspiring and brave, thank you for sharing.

Mental health is so weird. I have been through worse than this. I was a homeless drug addict at 15, homeless and pregnant again at 21. Severe antenatal depression. Started uni when DD was a few months old, her dad became severely abusive and we were both at huge risk when I broke up with him as he was very very mentally unwell. Looking back, I remember the crippling anxiety, but I never ever contemplated suicide. Maybe that should give me hope.. if it's a chemical thing, maybe it'll get better. If it is BPD, that can't be treated with meds, but I would do anything for some talking therapy. I think there's a 9 month waiting list in my area though

Self refer for talking therapies now (you can self refer in most areas and should be able to do it online) and get that ball rolling.

Well done for reaching out to your sister, that takes balls and the old saying is true - a problem shared is a problem halved. I hope she can provide you with some support.

Your daughter will be absolutely fine. As long as she's warm, fed and loved, that's all she needs.

It's the weekend so there's not much you can do about your current situation financially. Could you make a list of people you need to contact on Monday to try and get things sorted?

I'm currently like that right now. I have never felt suicidal in my life like I do right now

I emailed the wellbeing team who take self-referrals last week and they said that with my symptoms, I'd need a GP referral to somebody else.

I'm at work Monday. I've just been thinking whether to get signed off with stress. I've never done anything like that before in any job. I'm such a people pleaser, and my boss is pretty strict with sickness and stuff. But then he's had a breakdown before, so maybe he'd be understanding.

But I think it'd make my anxiety even worse and do the opposite of help my recovery. Hopefully I can sort it out in my lunch break.

I've emailed my MP about the 30 hours thing and they're talking to the HMRC for me. I did make an error but I am still entitled and I have ADHD which affects processing so hopefully they'll be more understanding talking to him.

I've got a month to sort the legal aid thing; I have proof that they haven't emailed me for a year requesting anything so that should be ok I hope.

It's just not being able to pay my rent is terrifying me. One of my parents might lend it to me but I just feel like such a massive disappointment that I don't even want to have the conversation. They've had to bail me out quite a few times, hence my efforts in sorting this issue with myself out.

My daughter will be fine, you're right. I want to die, but I couldn't do it to her. I'm her everything. And she does have a lovely life, we do lots of fun things and I make sure we go out everyday, we cook every meal together and chat all day and are best friends. I keep everything bottled up, which clearly isn't doing me any favours, but I don't think she's affected. I couldn't kill myself and mess her up forever. Thank god for her, I guess.

Thanks for your reply. I kept checking this thread debating whether to ask MN whether to delete my posts. Felt like even more of a burden killing the thread! I'm usually much more succinct and articulate in my posts

And for you nikobee. Really hope things look up for you and everybody else feeling like this soon, and we can catch a break in this world. X

I've been put on diazepam and sertraline. I've binned the diazepam as I can't even function and look after my kids properly. The sertraline are making me feel even worse than before but I've googled it and apparently they make u feel worse before they make u feel better which doesn't really help considering just how fucking rock bottom I am right now xxx

Yeah. Well, getting there. These things are such a hill to climb and sometimes we take steps back and all that.
I’ve dealt with depression on and off my whole life, I’m sure it’s hormonal related but dr’s don’t see that.
When DS was born PND hit quickly and hard. By the time DS was 6mo I was a single parent, trying to figure out money, cope with the abusive relationship I had left, parent etc etc. I went to my gp and was prescribed meds. I wasn’t honest about how I was feeling. Three times I came close to killing myself. Luckily each time DS cried and I had to attend to his needs. Him being entirely dependent on me got me through those moments. Because if I died, then so would he. And I couldn’t have that.
He’s now almost 2. I am almost contented and calm for the most part. I have a coil which minimises my periods and therefore my hormones. That helps a lot. I have a new DP who’s much less of a cunt. I’m still self harming occasionally, but life is worth living.
Keep seeking help OP. Tomorrow can be better x

My kids are the only people keeping me here aswell. I have thoughts about throwing myself off a bridge, only thing stopping me is them. I'm so scared of how I feel. I've been depressed and had anxiety but never felt this numb and low before xx

Maybe we could start a WhatsApp group to chat to each other daily? Literally nobody knows what I'm going through x

My DD is the only reason I stay here. I've already chosen the method I'mg going to use. No one knows, either.

I really do feel your pain. Its soul destroying. I don't even know who I am anymore x

I was on sertraline a few years back, more for anxiety but life was pretty terrible all round, but I couldn't take the 6 weeks or so of feeling shit before you feel better so convinced myself I'd get by without them. Well done you for still sticking with them, that takes a lot of strength! It's a bloody cruel fact of life isn't it, that pretty much all medication needed to treat you when you're at your lowest makes you feel even worse before you start feeling better.

And for binning the diazepam aswell tbh, I got addicted to them very quickly after having an op as a teen and it was horrific getting off them. And I've worked in primary healthcare and seen so many people addicted to them. I know it would be tempting for me now to take them if I was prescribed them and quieten down the noise and stresses of the world for a bit, so I think you're really strong and obviously a brilliant mum to resist doing this.

no advice obviously as I can't even begin to imagine myself out this hole but wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and I'm wishing for better days for us both.  thankyou so much, I really needed to hear this xxxx

Didn't know how to highlight what I wanted to reply to so sorry for the confusion xxx