New anxiety support thread (because sometimes we need a little hand-holding)

[Reike]

I thought it might be good to have a new anxiety support thread. The last one was really helping me even if I wasn’t actively posting but by just reading other posts I felt like I was not alone. So if you feel overwhelmed, stressed, scared or hopeless please join me here, maybe we can pull us through this together

I have suffered from anxiety nearly all my life and been in and out of therapy. The last two years I’ve been stable but obviously it is still a battle everyday. I’ve had good days, mostly okay days and more than enough bad days. Now I feel like I’m sinking into another bad and really though phase. I’m jobless at the moment, my brother’s getting married (while I’m happy this makes me realize how sad my own life is and also the organizing of everything is stressing me) and I’m also having a bit of trouble with a friend of mine. I posted a thread about this in aibu but am really nervous about responses. Or lack of. I hate anxiety and that it makes me question every little thing I do.

In the last thread the OP was talking about having a little hand hold and I feel like this is just what we need if we suffer from anxiety. So please, share your worries and troubles. You are not alone.

What trouble are you having with your friend? My anxiety trigger at the moment is wholly because of a friend and i hate to say it..iv only known her for 8 or so weeks and i wish id never bothered being nice and making a new friend! Ffs x

Icecreamcake86 She came to me for advice as she was having problems with her boyfriend. He's an absolute vile man and emotionally abusive. I helped her as much as I could and today he sent me a message on Facebook telling me to mind my own business and to stop trying to destroy their relationship. Now my anxiety is full on because I feel like I did something wrong and that I'm a bad person. I lost so many friends due to my anxiety and depression it's pathetic.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not able to be a good friend and that I better keep to myself. Anxiety and friendships certainly don't mix well and it's really hard work.

What happened with your friend? I think sometimes you give it all to fight your demons to be a good friend but others don't realize how much of a battle it can be or they do something that triggers your anxiety and wonder why you're 'being off'. Or they go behind your back and make your depression or whatever you are suffering from even worse

Ah okay so she has blown you up and told him what you had said..ffs why cant people just keep things to themselves! Your NOT a bad person you were being a mate cuz thats what mates do so fuck what he says, dont let him get to you and overthink too much. How is your friend with you though?? And yes i totally agree that some 'friends' do make an already uncomfortablesituation even worse..grrrr. My 'friend' is a pest..cant seem to understand im not feeling very sociable at the moment and iv told her im off grid and having a break from people..but yet still continues to text me 20 times a day over stupid shit like upcycling that i jus couldnt care less about!!! Oh and if she can come round to borrow stuff..wtf!!! I know im not being unreasonable but ffs i need a break. How do you manage ur anxiety?? X

Thank you! Sometimes I need to hear that I’m being paranoid. He‘s an arse and I shouldn’t even give him a second glance. But then there’s like this little devil on my shoulder making me asking things like but what if he’s right? My friend herself is generally good to me, she understands my anxiety and doesn’t pressure me about anything. But she’s a bit of a pushover as much as i hate to say this,so easily influenced.

Ohhh yeah I get what you mean about your friend. They don’t understand that you need breaks from people and that you‘re easily overwhelmed. Things like that can easily push you over the edge. I had a friend that used to text me at 4am in the morning after I had an awful night with my anxiety and then her asking me some mundane shit and I just flipped. She then gave me abuse that I’m being a bad friend because I was ignoring her despite her knowing I was having a though time. She even told me she was disappointed in me which I think is the worst thing you can say to someone who is suffering from anxiety or/and depression. If your friend is really triggering for your anxiety than she is not good for you. I’ve started to think more of my own health and well-being in the last few years and if there is someone in my life that is making my illness worse than that person needs to go if there is no other way. I try talking to them first but sometimes that doesn’t work sadly.

What really helps with my anxiety is forcing myself to not think too far ahead as that is my main problem. I always worry about tomorrow and upcoming situations that may happen. It’s really hard though to always remind myself to take one step after another. What also helps is writing things down when they keep me awake or trouble me. I‘ve noticed this really helps me relax and move on. Also writing action plans about the situation. I try to note the worst thing that could happen and then how I would deal with it. I then felt more prepared.

Also actually telling people that something they did was bothering me. It probably won’t work everyone but I had this with my former boss about a situation at work that worried me. Once I talked to her about it I felt relieved and could move on. Things actually improved. So yeah, speaking up is helping a lot. Otherwise I try to focus on things that make me happy when I’m distressed. Right now I’m watching a Disney movie for example. Oh and I remember now back at work I put a little post-it note on my desk on which I wrote: Everything’s fine. Whenever I felt anxious I looked at the note and it made me smile for some reason and calmed me.

With ur friend id probly just tell her that her fella msgd you and that youl be there for her no matter what but as far as her relationship goes..you mite be best not saying anything. Hard one though isnt it. Hopefully she will see it for herself. Its good though that she does understand how you are so at least u dont have the pressure of having to explain yourself which can be draining in itself. Iv told my friend..she says she understands but clearly doesnt so im in a muddle cause i dont actually want to see her again i just havnt got the headspace for her. Harsh but true. I think your right though about speaking up for yourself and its hood that youve done that in past situations..it takes guts for people to that especially when u do have anxiety cause you doubt yourself constantly!! I like the idea of notes and writing down thoughts also..i may try it. I keep thinking 'whats the worse that could happen' but yikes even not knowing the answer gives me anxiety..😂

And as for the friend who said she was dissapointed in you....good riddance and amen.

Yep that friend is a goner. She triggered my anxiety a lot. Had a huge argument where she suddenly threw everything at me that bothered her about me, after previously claiming she understands and accepts my problems.

I get what you say about headspace. That’s a huge issue which most people don’t get. I feel like I can sometimes only deal with one thing at a time. Regarding your friend...There’s only so much you can do to make someone understand though. Would you say she is worth your energy? If you’ve only know her for 8 weeks I would reconsider wether the friendship is worth continuing. At least not like that.

Well regarding writing things down I guess my problem is that I always imagine the worst possible outcome in a very detailed way so I can always come up with an answer But yeah, not really knowing drives me insane too. I now try to gather as much information as I can about things beforehand

I remember when talking to my boss...it took me several attempts walking up to her desk and also practicing my speech. I even made notes!

Found this in the book that started it all

People say they understand sometimes because its the the right thing to say. Its hardwork! People are hardwork lol including myself, im trying but man its difficult to people please and stay sane at the same time. I like the idea of preparing for the worst that could happen 😄 true tho..i bet it does help. Ah yes okay..what book is that?

Oh yes, people are stressful 😃 And then you're being seen as rude when you can't cope with it.

It's How to stop worrying and start living by Dale Carnegie. I read it during my first hospital stay at a psychology ward after having my very first mental breakdown.

Oh wow, you need a break from people sometimes and you know you gotta put yourself first. Your not selfish your being mindful of your health and that should be enough. I hope you are okay, its good to talk to like minded people isnt it..just easier cause we actually do understand each other 😊 im going to look out for that book..thank you for listening to me x

Yes, I usually feel like I have to justify myself and apologize for everything but with likeminded people it's so relieving! Thanks to you too

Hi I hope it's ok to join this thread it's taken me 7 months to pluck up the courage to write anything on here so here goes...I have been struggling with anxiety and pnd since having my baby 11 months ago through my life I have had boats of anxiety which passed quickly and never affected my sleep long term. 7 months ago I started not being able to sleep and had what I can only call as a melt down feeling like I could no longer look after my little boy and that i be better off not here anymore it was a very scary time in my life I have seen gp on been prescribed 10mg citaplam and 80mg propanol which has taken a while to start working my sleep has yet to return I have really good weeks and then I have terrible weeks in which I am going through a really bad time at the moment sleep is the main concern for me and when I havnt slept I have thoughts and feelings of the only way out is not to be here anymore i have the most supporting family around me who step in at times of diffulties but I am just wanting to ask if anyone else has had the same or similar experience I have completed CBT which has worked but in the moment find hard to concentrate thank you for reading and any advise would be amazing as feeling really low

Hi Magnolia1987, of course you‘re welcome to join us!**

Do you have regular appointments with your gp? I used to see him monthly for blood tests and for re-evaluating my treatment. I was first described Mirtazapin and when I felt the effects wore off I discussed this with him and he prescribed me Fluoxetine which were better for me. It was good to be able to talk about my progress with him and ask for other treatment options or if something was still lacking. I‘m now off antidepressants for two years and feel quite stable.

I have similar issues regarding sleep. Once I start thinking I can’t stop and it gets worse and worse and the thoughts get darker. What helped me with it was establishing a going to bed routine. I try to unwind at least half an hour before going to bed and then take my time applying some lavender body lotion, wash my face and I listen to a white noise app on my Alexa. There are several options like rain and thunder, ocean waves etc. Also audible. Listening to a soothing voice really helps me drift off and distracts me from thinking.

In a previous post I suggested writing things down, making action plans etc. Could that be something for you? I feel it really helps me dealing with my dark thoughts and worries. I also write fiction as I can get engrossed in a completely different world where things are the way I want them 😊

Oh and don’t hesitate to post here on this thread whenever you need someone to listen to you. I know how lonely, hopeless and helpless one can feel when consumed by anxiety and depression x