How do you cope?

[Mum2threejs]

Well I’m not.... I feel like I could just pack the kids off to my mums and just walk away. Everything always seems like such a fight..
A work college asked me how I cope today I smiled and said that everything is fine kids money etc. For the record I’m a single mum of 3 all getting older now, oldest is 16 and the youngest 12. My boys are good kids the oldest looks after the youngest when I’m at work outside of school hours etc. But the more I think about it the more I think I’ve let them down. I really do think they deserve better. Moneys always tight but bills are paid and no one ever goes hungry. They don’t get what they want but I always make sure they get what they need. Days out are rare my youngest and I go out for local walks Pokemon hunting etc usually manage to drag my middle son with us. My oldest is doing his GCSEs and revising every waking minute. The house work usually gets put on the back burner, it does get done eventually. I’m just so tired..... the endless cycle....
Reading this a lot of MNers are going to say make an appointment with the docs you sound depressed... I’m not not really. I have been to the docs before.
What’s got me thinking is my colleges response to my smile and answer... she then whittered on about not being able to do this that and the other... makes me wonder if anyone (other than the professionals) actually means it when they ask are you ok? How do you cope? Or do I just need better friends?
Is it ok to admit that sometimes I don’t fell like I’m coping?

Are you coping with life today?

You're doing a great job! I bet if you asked your boys they would say they are happy and that you're the best mum they could ask for.
You may not feel it, but you're amazing, every mum is, I'm in awe and wonder how I'm going to do it when my first arrives later this year, so I'll come back to you on how I cope then.

Trust me, as long as your boys are fed, cleanish and having fun, you're giving them everything they deserve.

Are you giving you everything you deserve?

It sounds like your children are lovely and that you have raised them beautifully. It's okay to feel like you're not coping sometimes (I know I feel like this, even on anti depressants) as working and managing kids and a home is fucking difficult, on top of that trying to split yourself into slices so everyone gets enough of your time and energy is such hard work. You need to reserve a slice for yourself and your own well-being though, so having some time doing something you enjoy (whether that's walking, reading, playing crap games on your phone, whatever. Mine is gardening)
If I ask someone how they are I always mean it, although you're right I think sometimes ask because it's something to say, not because they want the honest answer. Sometimes people do really want to know and would help as much as they can though, opening up is tough but holding it all in is worse. Have a hug from me,

And as you asked, today is an okay day for me. Kids are (currently) not killing each other or shrieking, have played nicely with Lego and I've got some garden jobs done. On the flip side the house is a shit hole but I'm tying to readjust my expectations of myself especially when I'm low. It's okay to skip the hoovering for a few days or not put the washing away straight away for a week, you need time for yourself too.

Thank you for the responses. I guess I should try and make time for me too. It just isn’t that easy but will have to give it ago. And as you said it does tend to be an ok day if the kids haven’t killed each other. Time for me I always considered as something you get when the kids are grown up, out at work etc.

Nice to hear Elle you’re having an okish day. Hopefully you won’t find the always one bit of Lego that hasn’t made it in to the box by standing on it or killing the Hoover with it

Thankyou :) you need to be kinder to yourself, even a few minutes time out for you is better than nothing.