Utterly useless, how can I continue?

[NellMonte]

I can't go on anymore. I don't know what to do. I cant continue like this. I just feel so utterly useless. There is literally no point to my existence. My whole life is a mess. I wish I could just start over. I just want to disappear.

I don't know how to move on, I don't know how to fix this mess. Even my children think I'm awful. They actually said they did so I know it's true.

I can't go on, I just need to get away, I need to get off grid. I don't know how to help myself but I can't go on like this.

Sorry things are so rough right now.
How old are your children?

I have three of them. They are aged 7, 10, and 11

At those ages, they might say you’re “awful” if they can’t have ice cream for breakfast!
By “off grid” do you mean live way out, solar power/wood chopping, only deer for neighbors?

Yes I just can't cope in the world anymore. I think I would be ok if I could live completely remote.

Yeah one said I'm the worst mother ever. Then the other said that wasn't true, I'm not the worst mother ever as look at Matilda's Mum. So basically I'm not the worst mother ever, that goes to a fictional character. I'm a slightly better mother that Mrs Wormwood.

To be fair I am pretty useless at parenting.

Slightly better than Mrs. Wormwood!
You have 3 bright & funny children- I’m certain you can take most, if not all, of the credit.

Have you already read up on septic tanks, wilderness first aid, etc.?
Or is this a very new idea?

I've done a bit of research. If I just take a tent and supplies I could set up camp somewhere really remote. I dunno. I guess it's probably much harder in reality.

I just want it all to end. I can't go on. I can't see how anything is ever going to improve.

Ex problems? Money problems? Family problems?
What’s going on?

I think mostly problems with just day to day functioning. I'm just not good at it. I can't cope with more than one thing at once, I can't get organised. Everything is a mess. Everything is chaos. I can't cope with it so I just hide in bed which of course makes the problem worse. Intellectually I know that, but I'm just so overwhelmed.

Two of my children have SN, it's exhausting. I'm just so overwhelmed by it all. Trying to navigate support, deal with schools, get diagnoses, waiting lists. It just goes on and on. But I find it such a struggle to communicate with all these different people. I have to for the sake of the children. But I just can't face anymore speaking to people.

If you can get someone to sit the kids just for the day, how about you go off on a wee adventure. Just go to the train station and pick a train and a stop at random and then go and get off there and take a wander. Maybe pic a day with nice weather. I've done it a few times when I've wanted to get off grid for a while. It's freeing, just being able to hop on a train going to anywhere, you can just be you for that day, no obligations or responsibilities, just you.

As for point in your existence. Why does there have to be a point?Maybe you just are, maybe we all just are - maybe that's enough.

Do you have folders or large envelopes to keep each child’s papers together? It must be tiring to keep track of all the information and discuss it with a lot of different people.

While you’re hiding in bed, you could make some lists- shopping, things to fix/clean/find, fun things to do with the kids, etc.
Then you can pick what to do each day from the list, and the rest will have to wait.
Maybe you already do this?

Hi, just wanted to offer you some support. I feel similar to you a lot of the time. You are so not useless and your kids are very lucky to have you!

I also have an 11 year old and an 8 year old. My 11 year old is always putting me down but i have accepted that's her issue (hormones!). I don't know if you have mum friends but it's good to get together with them as much as you can just to get things off your chest.

You didn't mention your age. I am mid 40s and doc has said my moods
and feeling down are due to being peri menopausal. I have very dark days and feel useless and a bad parent but talking about it really helps.

Sorry for the ramble on, you're not alone. Stay strong.