Housework

[MustShowDH]

My house is a tip.

I'm a SAHM, so no excuse. I just either can't be arsed, or don't have the energy.

I'd like to get a cleaner to help as a one off to get me straight, but I'm too embarrassed that there is so much to tidy up before it can be cleaned. I watch programs like 'Hoarders' and wish there was something in the UK where they understood how hard it is to keep on top of things.

If I unload the dishwasher I feel like I've had a good day, which is pretty pathetic considering I'm at home all day while my DD is at school.

Aaargh, don't know what I'm asking really, just wanted to get it out there.

I should have said, I have depression and sometimes anxiety which is why I'm posting here.
Hoping people here will understand about the lack of motivation and constant tiredness. I tend to go back to bed after the school run and stay there until pick up time.

Are you on any medication or counselling for your depression and anxiety? One symptom of depression is lack of energy and motivation. What I would suggest (that worked for me) is going for a walk every day, after you do the school run, put some head phones in and go for a walk around your area even just for 20 minutes, make sure you do it every day regardless of weather and turn it into a habit /routine. It's a known fact that exercise and being outdoors actually gives you more energy, I bet after a week or two you will feel a little bit more motivation to do somethings around the house.

The problem with being a stay at home mum is that there is no routine, and lack of routine can be detrimental to mental health. Once you do find the energy to make a start on the house what you can do is start with one room at a time as when the whole place is a tip it can seem overwhelming and hard to know where to start.

You could pick one room and write a list of baby steps of what needs done in that room such as... Kitchen 1)empty dishwasher 2) refill dishwasher 3)wipe counter tops 4)brush floor 5)mop floor etc and tick each one off as you go so you have a sense of accomplishment, don't have to do each step one after the other, take breaks of 10-15 minutes between each step where you have a cuppa or go on your phone. I hope this helps you xx

Hi op, sorry you are feeling so low

Do you know the Flylady system? [Have a look at the home page under "getting started". ] It was designed by someone who was depressed and therefore takes that in to account. There are daily baby-steps, weekly zones, days of the week allocated to specific tasks. It imposes a gentle routine where there is none and encourages short, focused bursts of 15 mins of activity, leaving you free to do more interesting things instead. The language on the site is barftastic, but the underlying system is sound. Come and join us on the Fledgling Fly thread under the house-keeping topic on here if it sounds like something you would like to do!

Having said that op, if you are spending your days in bed, it sounds like you need to get your depression treated before you do anything else, just as you would if you had diabetes or a broken leg. Housework is very depressing, it's ground hog day stuff with little satisfaction involved because once done, it all needs doing again and again. The key is getting a few gentle daily routines in place that become as natural as brushing your teeth after time eg one load of washing per day, shine your kitchen sink every day, do 5 mins decluttering every day. Nothing done perfectly but "good enough". You also need to ring fence some time to do things that you enjoy. That is really important because the enjoyment from doing the nice things will power you through the not so interesting stuff.

But in order to do all of that, you may need a little help from your GP and from friends and family. Please don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Everyone will understand. Being at home all day can be pretty boring and isolating. It may be that being a sahm isn't for you and you would feel better working pt. Good luck with it all. Small steps op, small steps

This is he thread I referred to earlier op here. (I am leading it this month.) It may seem cliquey because many of us have been on it forever - but it is really friendly - and you would be very welcome. (Loads of people on the thread are parenting DC with sn, or struggling with anxiety & depression or chronic illness, or are in a caring role.)

Good advice above. I have bipolar and it shows in the state of the house at the time - although I'm very rarely manic with a spotless home these days! I really would seek help for the depression first though. Never mind the housework - you are sleepwalking through life at the moment and it doesn't need to be that hard. Best wishes.

Have a look at the Organised Mum Method. Designed by someone with depression. It's really helped me sort my house out (also have mental health issues).

Your doctor can help sort things out.
Also, the ongoing nature of housework can be discouraging for anyone, because nothing stays “done”.

Thank you for all your kind replies.

Yes, I've been to the doctor and have been on anti-depressants for years. Jumped through all the NHS hoops and had counselling and psychotherapy.

The only health change has been that I developed hypothyroidism after my daughter was born 8 yrs ago, so that has an impact on energy levels too. Currently I'm working with my GP to get Vit D, Folate, Ferritin and B12 levels sorted as they had dipped a bit at my last blood test.

Unfortunately whenever I talk to him about the tireless, he says its the depression and I just have to accept it. Odd, because that contradicts trying to help getting the other levels straight!

I have a dog and she is great for forcing me to get out regardless of the weather.

I'm pretty good at appearing 'normal' to the outside world, however since giving up work I've been much more honest with people about my mental health struggles.

Thanks again all.x.

Sounds like a good strategy to get hormone levels checked op (or a different ad which makes you less tired perhaps?). Either way, dog-walking "therapy" sounds good!

I know this sounds trite - sorry if it sounds patronising too which is not my intention - but could it be just that house work isnt intrinsically interesting which is why you have little motivation for it? Maybe your tiredness/depression could be a sign that you are living the "wrong" sort of life for you? Maybe doing something creative would help?

I find all chores soul destroyingly dull (which is why I find the gentle routines of Flylady helpful) but even then, I have struggled with motivation since menopause (had full hysterectomy Feb). It's hard because by the time you have got to my age, it seems like have done the same sock pairing, the same floor mopping, the same tidying again and again for years!

I do have a cleaner and I find her v helpful, not just for the cleaning per se, but also because I am forced to "clear paths" before she arrives

Good luck with it

Thanks Shadycorner.

I'll head over to the other thread you mentioned for some inspiration.
Just going to get through half term and then see what I can tackle the week after.

See you there Mustshowdh! The thing I have found most helpful about Flylady is the baby-step routines that have now become second nature, so I almost don't realise that I am doing them eg load of laundry every day from start to finish, clean kitchen sink every day, clear dining room table every day (hot spot) , lay out clothes for morning night before etc etc. It gets you in to good routines that aren't too onerous ifyswim and that are (barftastic though the language sounds) " kind to your future self" . Good luck!

Hi op I know I'm late to the thread. Was looking to start a similar one myself and then found yours!

I'm in a very similar situation to you. I am a SAHM and have an 8yr old dd ( and a 16yr old ds about to finish his GCSE's this week ) and I struggle with MH issues aswell as fibromyalgia which means I'm in permanent pain.

I have been diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, bp and mild depression. I am also awaiting a probable diagnosis of ADHD.

My lovely little house has taken the hit. It used to be like a bloody show home but as my MH has got worse it has shown in the house.

I've always loved cleaning but now I struggle to much. I've used loads of different methods but have found that the best one for me is "unfuck your habitat" as she really understands that people have limitations due to MH and there is a whole chapter on it.
The basis of the method is to break your time up into 20/10's which means you set a timer for 20 mins and do as much as you can within that time and then rest for 10.

If this isn't sustainable then she recommends that you choose your own times and go from there so you could start off as small as 5 minutes work and 30 minutes rest for example.

Anyway, I am happy to be your OCD buddy which for me stands for Organising Cleaning De-cluttering and together we can do it, one step at a time.

Let me know if you're up for it